Worst birthday ever! Advice needed! (1 Viewer)

Andrus

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My son-in-law Scott (my daughter-Sheena's spouse) died suddenly in my home tonight, from what the coroner thinks was a massive coronary caused by a blood clot in his neck, but will have to confirm.

I had just gotten back from having a birthday dinner with my wife in Carencro. We stopped at Firehouse Subs and McDonalds and got Sheena and the grandkids some fast food on the way back home.

When we got home, I saw Scott, asked him if he wanted some McDonalds and he said he wasn't hungry. I then saw him walk towards his room. My daughter said that she had gone off to take a bath, and I went to my PC to update the news here.

Not that long thereafter my daughter runs into my office in a panic and says she can't wake Scott up. I ran into his room and began to shake him to try to wake him up, no response. I checked his pulse. No pulse! He was purple and not breathing. I immediately began CPR and Sheena called 911. We (my son Andre, Sheena and I) continued CPR while being coached online by the 911 respondent. The police showed up about 10 minutes later and helped with the CPR, then a few minutes later the EMT's showed up. They worked on Scott for 20 minutes... tried everything, and then called it. Just like that, he was gone.

A little later, Sheena told her daughter Arya of her fathers passing, and I think that I am more devastated by that than anything. Naturally it is extremely hard to see your daughter in so much pain, but young grand children? Devastating!

Scott was 43 years old, a big Saints fan, as you can imagine, and was seemingly in good health. He loved his 2 kids (5 year old daughter and 2.5 year old son, my grandchildren) dearly, and was a very good father to them, as well as he was a spouse to Sheena. .

For that, and many other reasons, I loved Scott, too! But I don't care about me here, I am deeply concerned about my daughter and grand children. Of course Sheena is devastated. Since Sheena is stricken with MS, is physically disabled, and really can't work, It looks like my wife will have to take care of them, which I am more than happy to do, but I am no spring chicken. What happens when we are gone?

My wife and I had moved them all back to our home in Louisiana from Colorado a few months back due to them struggling financially, and they simply couldn't make it up there. It wasn't for the lack of trying. Scott did his best. It just didn't work out. He had no insurance of any sort, and no money. I am just sitting here thinking about how to move forward. The downturn in the Oil business that started in late 2015, in addition to helping to keep Scott and Sheena afloat destroyed my wife and I financially, as we were both out of work for two years ourselves. So I don't know what to do here. The Melancon funeral home people left with his body about an hour ago, and I told them I would call them tomorrow to make the arrangements.

Anyone have any experience with this? Do funeral homes finance funerals?

Sorry, I am simply in shock and not thinking straight. So forgive me if I seem a bit off. There are a 1000 things going on in my mind at the moment. Naturally for something like this, I turn to the community. It seems most of my friends in life are rooted here.

Edit: Updated to add gofundme link

 
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Wow.. I am so sorry to hear that. What a devastating news to your daughter and their kids and the families involved. My deepest condolences. What can we do to help out?
 
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Andrus

Andrus

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Sorry about your loss....my mom just passed away yesterday, so I feel your pain. I’m not positive, but I would think that funeral homes finance. However, maybe there is a cheaper option like cremation?
I think, well, according to the coroner, anyway, what is done with his body is up to his mother, as though I call him my son-in-law and Sheena's spouse, they never married... not officially, anyway. Scott's mom certainly is in no position to afford a funeral. At least my credit is still good. Hopefuly you are correct that they will finance. Guess I will find out tomorrow.
 

guillermo

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Dear Andrus, terrible news. I am very sorry for the loss of Scott.

I can’t even think on the pain of Sheena and the kids.

For years hanging here I know you have a tight family and friends.

And talking about friends, this is the time to accept their help.

Please let us know what we can do. We are here for you.
 

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Andrus, that would devastate me and put me in shock as well. We are a family here so let us know how we can help you out right now. I’m sure what ever you need or think of will be fully supported by your SR family. Take care brother.
 

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Oh man. I am so sorry for your loss. I will definitely be praying for your entire family. Those poor kids and your daughter. I remember being in a state of shock this year when a 35 year old female that I hired died in our business parking lot from a pulmonary embolism.

I really can't imagine what you are going thru but please lean on this community. We all admire you and I for one will be happy to chip in what I can for the funeral.

All the best big A. Please take care of yourself because you are the rock for your entire family.
 

TheRamboTX

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Andrus, my condolences and prayers go to you and your family. I am so sorry to hear this and I'm sorry that I don't have good advice.
 

syracuse saint

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Andrus, that is a heart wrenching story. This is the worst birthday ever. If you or any other SR member who is savvy with go find me can start an account, I know that I, as well as hundreds of other SR members will contribute and beat the drum until we collect enough to get you through this.
 

lades

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Andrus, very sorry to hear about your son in law. That's devastating. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through - especially your daughter and your grand children.

Regarding funeral costs, there's a lot of useful information online. One site that I found initially helpful was:
http://www.us-funerals.com/funeral-articles/what-are-your-options-on-how-to-pay-for-a-funeral-or-cremation.html

Also, if you incur any significant costs, you might want to think about a GoFundMe campaign, or just post your Paypal information. I'm sure there more than a few people here on SR that would be honored to help out.
 

iChill

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I don't post here much but I cant help but feel touched and saddened about your family is going through. Losing a loved one is hard enough but having it happen suddenly and as a surprise is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. It's going to be extremely painful for a while but I hope that you and your family are able to heal and find peace sometime in the future. I'm not sure if you're familiar with grief counseling but I would give that a try whenever you're ready. And if you're able, do your best to fill that fatherly void in your grandchildrens' lives. That's all I've got for now...I'm so sorry for your loss.
 
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Andrus

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Andrus, that is a heart wrenching story. This is the worst birthday ever. If you or any other SR member who is savvy with go find me can start an account, I know that I, as well as hundreds of other SR members will contribute and beat the drum until we collect enough to get you through this.
Thanks Syracuse Saint, and the rest of you that have shared the sentiment wanting to help financially. Let me see what happens with the funeral director tomorrow, as well as Scott's family. We may be able to get through the funeral expense on our own if they finance. We will see.

What I may end up doing is starting a gofundme for the sake of my daughter and the grandchildren. There is a good bit of shared debt that Scott leaves, which is in both his and my daughters names, and it would be nice to eliminate some of that. I sure can't take it on. I've got more of that than I can handle already. So what happens to his personal debt that is in his own name only? Since he and my daughter were not officially married, is she burdened with that? I know this isn't the best time to ask such a question, but I need to know, and we have quite a few members that are attorneys that would likely be able to answer.
 
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