Worst birthday ever! Advice needed! (2 Viewers)

[Saint of Killers]

Andrus, I don't have any real information to provide that is helpful. Just wanted to give my heartfelt condolences. My heart just broke reading through this thread. You are obviously a proud father and the rock for your family, so please make sure that while you take care of them in these dark times, you also take care of yourself. Let others close to you and anyone who is willing, help in anyway they can.

You are correct about the insurance. It truly is a double-edged sword. It either keeps you broke if you have it or you go broke from not having it, when you need it. The gofundme seems to be the best option for financial relief right now. Start one and share it here, then let your SR community help in anyway it can. Prayers and thoughts will be poured on you and your family and you will prevail through these dark days ahead. Believe that.

 

[limeyjohn]

As others have mentioned please set up a go fund me then post the link on this thread, am sure many of us would chip in to help, you are family mate, so very sorry this happened and cannot find the words

 

[LaTex]

I appreciate the information, Pastor. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I needed to hear it. I'll be better prepared to talk to the funeral home now. Thank you for taking the time, none the less.

Here is the problem with the pre-need policy. Insurance policies keep people broke. Danged if you do, danged if you don't, and if you really need one, they won't give it to you. No one will give me life insurance due to being a diabetic on blood pressure medicine with a bad thyroid. Been trying for 25 years. Always a no-go! So there's that.

Will see about that GoFundMe tomorrow, or should I say later today. I need to discuss it with the family. Tired, but can't sleep.

Funeral Pre-need policies are different than life insurance policies. Pre-needs do not require medical exams or medical history. They are solely for covering the costs of funeral expenses.

 

[TCEd]

So sorry to hear of your lose, my wife & I pray everyday, we will be adding you & your family that God may give strength, wisdom & peace during this difficult time.

 

[Andrus]

Thanks everyone for the caring thoughts, prayer offerings, and advice. I am going to try to get a few hours sleep, and think about all of this afterwards.

 

[limeyjohn]

You may need to talk to a expert in government assistance, cannot think of a more deserving case for financial help than your family right now, help is out there if you know where to ask

 

[Hustle]

So sorry for your loss, Andrus. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[Grant Backer Two]

So very sorry for your loss Big A. I am praying for ALL of you. God WILL take care of ALL OF YOU. As an Elementary School Teacher for many years, my eyes are leaking at the moment as I hurt for the children in your family. NOT, that I am not praying for the adults as well. God blessed me to LOVE ALL CHILDREN, so I MUST pray a little extra for them.
HE WILL provide Big A. I KNOW he will!! Take care buddy.
Your family here will take care of you. WE got your back, when things get rough!! YOU have given SO MUCH, to ALL of US!!

 

[saintmdterps]

Thanks Dan! So it looks like Sheena will only be encumbered with their shared credit cards. He left no Will. There really is no estate since he didn't own anything tangible of value that I am aware of. I financed his Truck and it's in my name, so I am responsible for that. Hopefully, it's current value covers what I still owe on it.

Man! This is just horrible! Tragic is an understatement. I keep thinking about my 5-year old grand daughter. She's been in the bedroom with my wife wailing for her dad. My daughter is just devastated, and there is nothing that I can do other than to try to console and try to take some of the burden off of her shoulders by taking care of arrangements and getting his affairs in order.

Damn Andrus, my daughter is six. I can’t imagine, and I am so sorry for what you are all going through. You can just be there for your family and know that we are here for you. Let us know when you start the gofundme. Please let your friends help out. If I learned nothing else from my unemployment struggles (thankfully over) it was to not be prideful, and accept help when offered.

If I remember correctly, you had a fundraiser for your daughter's MS some years ago. We will respond again my friend. Try to take care of yourself and be well

 

[ilvdsnts]

Its too late in this case, but the cheapest way for anyone out there to “finance” a funeral is term life insurance. You can get $10,000 coverage for as little as $8.00 per month, 100-150,000 for around $25 per month and not leave your family behind with nothing wondering what they are going to do without your income. Please everyone, if you haven’t got term life insurance, get some. Its offered cheaply through so many avenues, VA, employers, mortgage companies, PSA over, now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

 

[ilvdsnts]

Andrus, by any chance, is Scott a military veteran?

 

[Hedon James]

Sorry to hear of your misfortune Andrus. Seems like the worst things happen to the best people...(sigh)

You may think you sound dis-jointed (understandably so), but you sound lucid to me; and even though your mind is racing, you seem to be touching all the bases. You asked about debt left behind at death. Any debts in the name of the deceased pass to their estate. If the estate is insufficient to pay those debts, they typically get written off. If any debts are joint, the creditor likely pursues repayment from the remaining debtor. In some cases, the decedent's estate will pay the debt (provided they are able); but in most cases the executor/executrix has a fiduciary duty to the estate and will argue the estate isn't solely responsible for joint debt. In a best case scenario, an "able" estate may pay 1/2 of the joint debt.

You said your SIL had no life insurance and no will. But he MAY have "debt insurance" on his loans. Whether installment loans or credit card debt, many creditors provide an option to pay the debt in the event of disability or death. Someone earlier in the thread suggested calling debtors to inform them what happened...this would be an ideal time to ask the question, although they may not speak to YOU, but perhaps your daughter (if joint debt) or his executor/executrix. Any debt that falls to her that cannot be paid will wind up as a deficiency judgement against her, after she's been harassed repeatedly by debt collectors. If she has no income, nor assets to speak of, a bankruptcy may be her best option. Either way, her credit will be dinged, but with a BK at least she won't be harassed mercilessly by debt collectors while she is still mourning the death of her spouse/significant other.

I would only add that you said you think you can handle this financially, and maybe you can, but you shouldn't HAVE TO. You have done so much for this SR community over the years, I hope you'll allow us to step to the plate for you in this difficult time. Count me as another +1 for a GoFundMe or PayPal donor if someone sets it up. It's not charity, it's an opportunity to return the favor to someone who has done so many favors, to so many others, so many times. Say the word and we'll mobilize the SR Army for our own! In the meantime, prayers for you and your family...

 

[RazorOye]

Andrus -

What a blow... I can't even imagine.

First, you should *absolutely* contact the credit card companies. When my mom was beginning to really show signs of dementia, she was apparently still buying and getting ripped off with people calling. We had no idea, but she'd amassed over $30k in credit card debt.

We called the companies and they worked with us. They didn't erase the debt, but wiped out a ton of it. It's definitely worth calling and pursuing, getting into contact with each credit card they have shared debt on.

There's nothing else I have an experience with, so can't help. But absolutely echo the GoFundMe - set it up. And think about not taking on too much credit debt if you can. I know that you want to set aside money for Sheena and the kids, but also keep in mind that if you take on too much credit debt on the arrangements, you end up losing more money in the long run.

You might be better off taking care of those expenses now, so that you aren't burdened with future debt and future money can go toward Sheena and the kids.

Maybe worth asking around about or thinking about the pros/cons of that approach?

Finally, I am so sorry for your loss. No experience with something so sudden, but I've got three little ones and I am squeezing this extra hard this morning. Just be there for Sheena and the grandchildren - there's probably nothing you can say or do. So just be there and love them - my wife was 16 when her dad died suddenly, at work, and the immediate shock was overwhelming. She still remembers it and the real grief didn't hit for a bit and it's stayed with her.

My thoughts are with you, man.

You've done so much for people here. You must know you have a lot of folks here ready to do for you.

 

[Thunderchild]

I don't have any suggestions, but my family's prayers go out to you and yours. We would also be honored to donate to a gofundme. This is a perfect example of how that organization should be used.

I'm so, so sorry that this has happened.

 

[Bill]

Andrus, this is truly devastating news to read about this morning. The pain you are describing cuts this entire SR family to the heart. Though I, like you, am not one of those people who has knowledge of the best ways to proceed to assist your daughter and grandchildren, there seems to be some good advice through the first few pages of this thread.

Brother, you have definitely done the right thing in letting this community know about what has happened to your family and what you are now dealing with. We simply needed to know. For over two decades you have brought us together with a common interest, and by the SSF we have all been through thick & thin. Many here have needed the support that comes from caring friends, so SR.com is an important outlet that we turn to. But mostly we've been informed & entertained here in ways that would not be possible without someone developing this website and all the processes that goes with making it work well for all.

We have shared in the joys... and we will share in the sorrows. There are a lot of good-hearted folks in this community who wish to help you in any way that they can. The GoFundMe account is a very practical way that we can all be of assistance. The financial help will not remove all the sadness & anxiety, but we can also give the moral support as needed through the pages of this medium. Please don't hesitate to use it and let us know how you are doing my friend.