Worst birthday ever! Advice needed! (1 Viewer)

Andrus

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My son-in-law Scott (my daughter-Sheena's spouse) died suddenly in my home tonight, from what the coroner thinks was a massive coronary caused by a blood clot in his neck, but will have to confirm.

I had just gotten back from having a birthday dinner with my wife in Carencro. We stopped at Firehouse Subs and McDonalds and got Sheena and the grandkids some fast food on the way back home.

When we got home, I saw Scott, asked him if he wanted some McDonalds and he said he wasn't hungry. I then saw him walk towards his room. My daughter said that she had gone off to take a bath, and I went to my PC to update the news here.

Not that long thereafter my daughter runs into my office in a panic and says she can't wake Scott up. I ran into his room and began to shake him to try to wake him up, no response. I checked his pulse. No pulse! He was purple and not breathing. I immediately began CPR and Sheena called 911. We (my son Andre, Sheena and I) continued CPR while being coached online by the 911 respondent. The police showed up about 10 minutes later and helped with the CPR, then a few minutes later the EMT's showed up. They worked on Scott for 20 minutes... tried everything, and then called it. Just like that, he was gone.

A little later, Sheena told her daughter Arya of her fathers passing, and I think that I am more devastated by that than anything. Naturally it is extremely hard to see your daughter in so much pain, but young grand children? Devastating!

Scott was 43 years old, a big Saints fan, as you can imagine, and was seemingly in good health. He loved his 2 kids (5 year old daughter and 2.5 year old son, my grandchildren) dearly, and was a very good father to them, as well as he was a spouse to Sheena. .

For that, and many other reasons, I loved Scott, too! But I don't care about me here, I am deeply concerned about my daughter and grand children. Of course Sheena is devastated. Since Sheena is stricken with MS, is physically disabled, and really can't work, It looks like my wife will have to take care of them, which I am more than happy to do, but I am no spring chicken. What happens when we are gone?

My wife and I had moved them all back to our home in Louisiana from Colorado a few months back due to them struggling financially, and they simply couldn't make it up there. It wasn't for the lack of trying. Scott did his best. It just didn't work out. He had no insurance of any sort, and no money. I am just sitting here thinking about how to move forward. The downturn in the Oil business that started in late 2015, in addition to helping to keep Scott and Sheena afloat destroyed my wife and I financially, as we were both out of work for two years ourselves. So I don't know what to do here. The Melancon funeral home people left with his body about an hour ago, and I told them I would call them tomorrow to make the arrangements.

Anyone have any experience with this? Do funeral homes finance funerals?

Sorry, I am simply in shock and not thinking straight. So forgive me if I seem a bit off. There are a 1000 things going on in my mind at the moment. Naturally for something like this, I turn to the community. It seems most of my friends in life are rooted here.

Edit: Updated to add gofundme link

 
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Nightshade

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Sorry about your loss but know we are all here for you.

On finacial debt even with marriage his debt can not transfer to someone else if their name was not on the account. You may get collection calls claiming your daughter is responsible and they will try to convince she is. She is only responsible if she is a co-signer or joint account holder.

On credit cards if she is just an authorized user she is not responsible.
 

draftfreak

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My son-in-law Scott (my daughter-Sheena's spouse) died suddenly in my home tonight, from what the coroner thinks was a mass coronary caused by a blood clot in his neck, but will have to confirm.

I had just gotten back from having a birthday dinner with my wife in Carencro. We stopped at Firehouse Subs and McDonalds and got Sheena and the grandkids some fast food on the way back home.

When we got home, I saw Scott, asked him if he wanted some McDonalds and he said he wasn't hungry. I then saw him walk towards his room. My daughter said that she had gone off to take a bath, and I went to my PC to update the news here.

Not that long thereafter my daughter runs into my office in a panic and says she can't wake Scott up. I ran into his room and began to shake him to try to wake him up, no response. I checked his pulse. No pulse! He was purple and not breathing. I immediately began CPR and Sheena called 911. We (my son Andre, Sheena and I continued CPR while being coached online by the 911 respondent. The police showed up about 10 minutes later and helped with the CPR, then a few minutes later the EMT's showed up. They worked on Scott for 20 minutes... tried everything, and then called it. Just like that, he was gone.

A little later, Sheena told her daughter Arya of her fathers passing, and I think that I am more devastated by that than anything. Naturally it is extremely hard to see your daughter in so much pain, but young grand children? Devastating!

Scott was 43 years old, a big Saints fan, as you can imagine, and was seemingly in good health. He loved his 2 kids (5 year old daughter and 2.5 year old son, my grandchildren) dearly, and was a very good father to them, as well as he was a spouse to Sheena. .

For that, and many other reasons, I loved Scott, too! But I don't care about me here, I am deeply concerned about my daughter and grand children. Of course Sheena is devastated. Since Sheena is stricken with MS, is physically disabled, and really can't work, It looks like my wife will have to take care of them, which I am more than happy to do, but I am no spring chicken. What happens when we are gone?

My wife and I had moved them all back to our home in Louisiana from Colorado a few months back due to them struggling financially, and they simply couldn't make it up there. It wasn't for the lack of trying. Scott did his best. It just didn't work out. He had no insurance of any sort, and no money. I am just sitting here thinking about how to move forward. The downturn in the Oil business that started in late 2015, in addition to helping to keep Scott and Sheena afloat destroyed my wife and I financially, as we were both out of work for two years ourselves. So I don't know what to do here. The Melancon funeral home people left with his body about an hour ago, and I told them I would call them tomorrow to make the arrangements.

Anyone have any experience with this? Do funeral homes finance funerals?

Sorry, I am simply in shock and not thinking straight. So forgive me if I seem a bit off. There are a 1000 things going on in my mind at the moment. Naturally for something like this, I turn to the community. It seems most of my friends in life are rooted here.
I'm so sorry for your loss, brother. My prayers are with you and your family.. When my mom died two years ago, I asked if the creation could be financed and was told no. Cremations are much cheaper than funerals, but it cost me over $1,000. I can't remember the exact number. I asked, just to ask, if they financed funerals, and they said no. I was later told that funeral homes will finance, but it's rare.

Can Sheena do office work or anything of that nature? If you have a church home, you might ask if any of the parishioners have some available work for sheena if she's capable of office work or light work.
 

Joe OKC

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I know that you will talk with your family as you said you would... But I would like to suggest that you maybe put a mailing address on this thread somewhere... So if someone want to send a card or just plain Cash to help out while decisions are being made.

just a suggestion.
 

fnholmes

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Andrus,
First of all, thank you for bringing this forum to life for us. I am truly sorry for your loss. It sounds like a nightmare come true. I lost my father when I was 4 years old and my mother was destroyed so I could not really talk to her about him without upsetting her. It was my grandparents and aunts/uncles that helped to keep his memory alive. I just wanted to give a little different perspective in that you can help keep Scott's memory alive for his little ones. I want to thank this forum for helping me in 2008 when my mom passed away. You guys are truly a blessing so thank you and keep helping others in need. Sorry so long but this truly touches my heart. God bless you and your children.
 

VPCajun

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Andrus,

So very sorry for you and your family in this shocking and devastating loss of a loved one.

This is the time to rely on family and friends! (And, of course, the Big Guy upstairs.)

Little ones are very resilient - just love them and care for them, and I'm sure they'll be fine. (Heck, don't forget to be open to the love that they'll be throwing your way!)

My heart aches for all of you.

Take care.
 

Cajun Chat

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My son-in-law Scott (my daughter-Sheena's spouse) died suddenly in my home tonight, from what the coroner thinks was a mass coronary caused by a blood clot in his neck, but will have to confirm.

I had just gotten back from having a birthday dinner with my wife in Carencro. We stopped at Firehouse Subs and McDonalds and got Sheena and the grandkids some fast food on the way back home.

When we got home, I saw Scott, asked him if he wanted some McDonalds and he said he wasn't hungry. I then saw him walk towards his room. My daughter said that she had gone off to take a bath, and I went to my PC to update the news here.

Not that long thereafter my daughter runs into my office in a panic and says she can't wake Scott up. I ran into his room and began to shake him to try to wake him up, no response. I checked his pulse. No pulse! He was purple and not breathing. I immediately began CPR and Sheena called 911. We (my son Andre, Sheena and I continued CPR while being coached online by the 911 respondent. The police showed up about 10 minutes later and helped with the CPR, then a few minutes later the EMT's showed up. They worked on Scott for 20 minutes... tried everything, and then called it. Just like that, he was gone.

A little later, Sheena told her daughter Arya of her fathers passing, and I think that I am more devastated by that than anything. Naturally it is extremely hard to see your daughter in so much pain, but young grand children? Devastating!

Scott was 43 years old, a big Saints fan, as you can imagine, and was seemingly in good health. He loved his 2 kids (5 year old daughter and 2.5 year old son, my grandchildren) dearly, and was a very good father to them, as well as he was a spouse to Sheena. .

For that, and many other reasons, I loved Scott, too! But I don't care about me here, I am deeply concerned about my daughter and grand children. Of course Sheena is devastated. Since Sheena is stricken with MS, is physically disabled, and really can't work, It looks like my wife will have to take care of them, which I am more than happy to do, but I am no spring chicken. What happens when we are gone?

My wife and I had moved them all back to our home in Louisiana from Colorado a few months back due to them struggling financially, and they simply couldn't make it up there. It wasn't for the lack of trying. Scott did his best. It just didn't work out. He had no insurance of any sort, and no money. I am just sitting here thinking about how to move forward. The downturn in the Oil business that started in late 2015, in addition to helping to keep Scott and Sheena afloat destroyed my wife and I financially, as we were both out of work for two years ourselves. So I don't know what to do here. The Melancon funeral home people left with his body about an hour ago, and I told them I would call them tomorrow to make the arrangements.

Anyone have any experience with this? Do funeral homes finance funerals?

Sorry, I am simply in shock and not thinking straight. So forgive me if I seem a bit off. There are a 1000 things going on in my mind at the moment. Naturally for something like this, I turn to the community. It seems most of my friends in life are rooted here.
Big A,

Goodness gracious! My condolences and prayers for Sheena, you and your grandkids. I can't imagine what you are going through. I know this you are a rock and a strong man. Continue to be there for your family. Your SR family will lift you up.

Regarding the financial side, I think you know the SR family will step up. It's how us WhoDat fans around the globe rally. That's what families do. If not started already, let us know if Paypal or Gofund me works best. I'm sure we will show up to help.

Take the time as many others have suggested to grieve with Sheena and your grandkids. Lean on your faith and your WhoDat family. We will walk through this with you.

Ed
 

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Sorry for your loss. As others have said, no one is responsible for any debt unless they were co-signers.

A basic cremation and service should cost no more than $2,600 and that’s at a nice legit funeral home. If you opt for just the cremation and have a celebration of life at your home or a family members, you can cut that by another $500-750.

Do not get any of the extras they will offer. If you want prayer cards, etc, you can do all that yourself for 1/10 the price on vistaprint.

Also do not buy an urn from the funeral home. You can get one just as good from amazon for way less.

I doubt your son in law would want his family going into debt for a funeral.

Make sure to post t the go fund me. Hang in there!
 
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Merl

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Hi Andrus:

I lived through this same situation this past January when my husband passed away unexpectedly. I live in the New Orleans area. I was so lucky that my husband's brother in law and his brothers and sisters stepped up and helped me at the funeral home the next day. They paid for the funeral expenses, a bare bones cremation, if you call $6,000 bare bones. I was able to pay them back when I got the life insurance my husband left me. I know this doesn't help you now but I learned from this and I filled out an application to donate my body to science to LSU. They use your body for medical students to learn from and bodies are needed for this purpose. No, the don't pay you for this, but they bury you or cremate you at no cost to you or your family. There are stipulations as to whether they can use the body and they make that call. Your son in law would have been perfect for this as he was young and in good shape except for what killed him. No cancer, car accident etc. Of course your family has to be aware of your wishes and carry it out for you. They give you a card that you keep in your wallet and your family calls the number and they come and get the body. You can have a memorial service but those are just as expensive as a funeral. Or wait until they release the body to the family down the line. That could be years later though. I did this so as not to burden my daughter when my time comes. Preparation is the key here. No one thinks of these things but all of this happens and if there is no life insurance you and your family are suddenly cast into a financial hell.

And you are not liable for your son in law's debt if it was his alone. Your daughter isn't either. Even if they were married. My husband has a small balance on his own credit card. $900. They called and asked if I wanted to pay it. They said upfront I was not legally resonsible, so NO I didn't pay it.
When my Mother passed 6 years ago she had her body donated to one of the medical universities up north. I thought about that and after I got back to Monroe checked into it for myself. I now carry a card from LSUS and informed my Dad and sister of my decision.
 
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Andrus

Andrus

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Thank you the outpouring of support. There is some excellent advice here that I am certainly going to use, and frankly some extremely touching thoughts posted.

What is happening now, is that Scott's mother will be meeting with the funeral director at Melancon Funeral Home in Carencro tomorrow morning. I told Scott's sister to tell her mom to make whatever choices on the burial and funeral arrangements that they (Sheena and Scott's family) decided upon, and to let me know the cost and I would cover any costs over what they could contribute, and if they couldn't contribute, that I would cover it.

I did so because Dan in Lafayette called me and told me in no uncertain terms that he would take care of the upfront costs of the funeral and burial, and he could get his funds back through the gofundme, and if not, no time limits on paying him back... just to show you the kind of stand up friend that old self-proclaimed curmudgeon really is. Also considered as well was confidence from your thoughtful and generous offers of support. So I guess I need to get started on that gofundme. I will probably start a new thread when it's ready. Perhaps tonight sometime. I am really tired and still have to update the news page.

To that point, other than paying back Dan, I really want to try to raise what I can for Sheena and the kids. Even to put a nice dent in Sheena and Scott's shared debt would be huge for them, as well as for my wife and myself.

Arya is starting her first year of school shortly, and my wife Lora just returned from bringing Arya shopping for school clothes, which is something that Scott was going to do today. Scott is such a huge loss in so many ways. I relied on him a lot personally. The shock and sorrow in this house today is indescribable. It's very somber and we are doing our best to make that less obvious to the grand kids. Not that I do, but I will never look at a post from another member that has suffered a sudden and tragic loss in any sort of casual manner again. Sometimes you have to go through it in order to gain perspective.
 

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I think, well, according to the coroner, anyway, what is done with his body is up to his mother, as though I call him my son-in-law and Sheena's spouse, they never married... not officially, anyway. Scott's mom certainly is in no position to afford a funeral. At least my credit is still good. Hopefuly you are correct that they will finance. Guess I will find out tomorrow.
may be too late, but a good purpose can be served and alleviate financial concerns:

 

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Many of us will send money to a go fund me account in a heartbeat bro. Sorry for your loss. God bless you and your family!
 

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I believe that God puts angels in our lives, to help us when we need it most. Today’s angel came in the form of Dan. God Bless Scott’s soul, as well as all of you who are grieving. I pray that He brings all of you strength and some form of comfort. My deepest condolences.
 

xkeith031x

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Is there any sort of GoFundMe set up? I will gladly share the page and can donate to you on my next pay check. I haven't quite paid rent this month yet but when I am a little better off in 2 weeks can help.

Love and light andrus. We are all here for you.
 

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