Worst birthday ever! Advice needed! (1 Viewer)

Andrus

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My son-in-law Scott (my daughter-Sheena's spouse) died suddenly in my home tonight, from what the coroner thinks was a massive coronary caused by a blood clot in his neck, but will have to confirm.

I had just gotten back from having a birthday dinner with my wife in Carencro. We stopped at Firehouse Subs and McDonalds and got Sheena and the grandkids some fast food on the way back home.

When we got home, I saw Scott, asked him if he wanted some McDonalds and he said he wasn't hungry. I then saw him walk towards his room. My daughter said that she had gone off to take a bath, and I went to my PC to update the news here.

Not that long thereafter my daughter runs into my office in a panic and says she can't wake Scott up. I ran into his room and began to shake him to try to wake him up, no response. I checked his pulse. No pulse! He was purple and not breathing. I immediately began CPR and Sheena called 911. We (my son Andre, Sheena and I) continued CPR while being coached online by the 911 respondent. The police showed up about 10 minutes later and helped with the CPR, then a few minutes later the EMT's showed up. They worked on Scott for 20 minutes... tried everything, and then called it. Just like that, he was gone.

A little later, Sheena told her daughter Arya of her fathers passing, and I think that I am more devastated by that than anything. Naturally it is extremely hard to see your daughter in so much pain, but young grand children? Devastating!

Scott was 43 years old, a big Saints fan, as you can imagine, and was seemingly in good health. He loved his 2 kids (5 year old daughter and 2.5 year old son, my grandchildren) dearly, and was a very good father to them, as well as he was a spouse to Sheena. .

For that, and many other reasons, I loved Scott, too! But I don't care about me here, I am deeply concerned about my daughter and grand children. Of course Sheena is devastated. Since Sheena is stricken with MS, is physically disabled, and really can't work, It looks like my wife will have to take care of them, which I am more than happy to do, but I am no spring chicken. What happens when we are gone?

My wife and I had moved them all back to our home in Louisiana from Colorado a few months back due to them struggling financially, and they simply couldn't make it up there. It wasn't for the lack of trying. Scott did his best. It just didn't work out. He had no insurance of any sort, and no money. I am just sitting here thinking about how to move forward. The downturn in the Oil business that started in late 2015, in addition to helping to keep Scott and Sheena afloat destroyed my wife and I financially, as we were both out of work for two years ourselves. So I don't know what to do here. The Melancon funeral home people left with his body about an hour ago, and I told them I would call them tomorrow to make the arrangements.

Anyone have any experience with this? Do funeral homes finance funerals?

Sorry, I am simply in shock and not thinking straight. So forgive me if I seem a bit off. There are a 1000 things going on in my mind at the moment. Naturally for something like this, I turn to the community. It seems most of my friends in life are rooted here.

Edit: Updated to add gofundme link

 
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Saint Lattimore

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Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

I am very sorry for your loss and your families’ loss.
I can’t imagine how devastating this must be for your daughter and her children. It’s important to be there for one another and especially the children. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
 

Brown

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Thank you the outpouring of support. There is some excellent advice here that I am certainly going to use, and frankly some extremely touching thoughts posted.

What is happening now, is that Scott's mother will be meeting with the funeral director at Melancon Funeral Home in Carencro tomorrow morning. I told Scott's sister to tell her mom to make whatever choices on the burial and funeral arrangements that they (Sheena and Scott's family) decided upon, and to let me know the cost and I would cover any costs over what they could contribute, and if they couldn't contribute, that I would cover it.

I did so because Dan in Lafayette called me and told me in no uncertain terms that he would take care of the upfront costs of the funeral and burial, and he could get his funds back through the gofundme, and if not, no time limits on paying him back... just to show you the kind of stand up friend that old self-proclaimed curmudgeon really is. Also considered as well was confidence from your thoughtful and generous offers of support. So I guess I need to get started on that gofundme. I will probably start a new thread when it's ready. Perhaps tonight sometime. I am really tired and still have to update the news page.

To that point, other than paying back Dan, I really want to try to raise what I can for Sheena and the kids. Even to put a nice dent in Sheena and Scott's shared debt would be huge for them, as well as for my wife and myself.

Arya is starting her first year of school shortly, and my wife Lora just returned from bringing Arya shopping for school clothes, which is something that Scott was going to do today. Scott is such a huge loss in so many ways. I relied on him a lot personally. The shock and sorrow in this house today is indescribable. It's very somber and we are doing our best to make that less obvious to the grand kids. Not that I do, but I will never look at a post from another member that has suffered a sudden and tragic loss in any sort of casual manner again. Sometimes you have to go through it in order to gain perspective.

Big props to Dan in Lafayette for stepping up.

Andrus, Your story has been on my mind all day.
I rely on these forums for much of my virtual enjoyment. I’m sure I’m not alone in these sentiments.

You created a virtual sports world that has touched thousands of lives in one way or another over decades. At this point, it's generational. Events like this are where our virtual world gets real. You deserve all of the support that your SR community can bring forth. There are a lot of folks that care and whether it's through prayers or monetary or both, I'm confident that any needs you have will be met.
As troubling as this time is, I hope you're comforted at least somewhat in the support of this community.
 
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Andrus

Andrus

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Thanks again everyone. I am deeply touched by the profound support of the membership here. For all of the wrongs that I have done, it seems I may have done something right in my lifetime... here.

The gofundme page is up at https://www.gofundme.com/f/fundraiser-for-sheena-whitewing-and-her-2-children

So regarding this particular thread. I am pretty overwhelmed. I would like to respond to quite a few posts, many that have really touched me personally. I will respond to quite a few privately, however it may take a while, yet I truly appreciate every single response on this thread. Your words have really helped me cope over the past 20 or so hours.
 

LuvNOLA

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Well.. thank you very much, J.D! She does wear size 6, and Sheena would be grateful, but only if you are sure that your daughter doesn't need them.

If so... The address is:

Sheena Whitewing
392 Highway 182,
Sunset, La. 70584
Thanks for this scoop, Andrus.

You are a wonderful and caring dad, and your daughter & her kids are so blessed to have you in their life.

Sometimes the mystery of life is so hard to understand, & I am sorry that you all have to endure such intense pain.

I have sent Sheena a card & a check so that she can use it for whatever she needs. I am hoping that will be a faster route for her, instead of waiting for PayPal or GoFundMe.
 

LuvNOLA

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Thanks again everyone. I am deeply touched by the profound support of the membership here. For all of the wrongs that I have done, it seems I may have done something right in my lifetime... here.

The gofundme page is up at https://www.gofundme.com/f/fundraiser-for-sheena-whitewing-and-her-2-children

So regarding this particular thread. I am pretty overwhelmed. I would like to respond to quite a few posts, many that have really touched me personally. I will respond to quite a few privately, yet it may take a while, however I truly appreciate every single response on this thread. Your words have really helped me cope over the past 20 or so hours.
Woe is me...……..I should practice PATIENCE!!! As soon as my card & check is done, I see your post that the fund has been set up...…..anyway, GOOD JOB in taking care of the family!
 

LuvNOLA

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Andrus, I’m beyond sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you and your family.

As for the costs of funerals these days — the fact that the last two deaths in my family were cremations tells you all you need to know about the cost of traditional burials these days.
You got that right!!! Funeral costs are totally outrageous, and unfair.

I am going cremation or medical science, absolutely.
 

Semper

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I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.
 

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Terrible news to hear. Your family is in my prayers.

I lost my father nearly 7 years ago. Shook his hand at work before he left for lunch and 3 hours later I was having a conversation with the coroner. I kept busy, but I was really in shock for a good month.

I agree with others that a Go Fund Me page would be appropriate considering the circumstances. I’ve lurked on this site for many years. Push comes to shove, we seem to take care of our own. Sign me up for whatever I can do to help.

My company can print the funeral cards free of charge if needed. Not a big expense, but every little bit Helps.
 
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rob22278

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What an awful situation, and the suddenness makes it that much more shocking I’m sure. I just donated, and your family is in my prayers. May God bless.
 

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So sorry, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. My mom died unexpectedly as well a few years ago on mother’s day of all days, can you believe that! Keep pressing, and stay strong for those little ones.
 

DaveXA

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Andrus, I'm just seeing this and so tough to hear about the loss of Scott. I recall reading about your trip back and forth from Colorado and how they ended up back home with you. I wish I were closer to Lafayette. I would help if I could.

I find myself thinking about Sheena and her kids. Hold them and be strong for them. And take some time to grieve and reflect back on the good memories you all have had together. Build some new ones with the grandkids so that they have something to look forward to.

And if she hasn't already done so, Sheena absolutely should apply for SS benefits. We've done that off and on over the years, and we wouldn't be where we are without it. She and the kids would automatically be eligible for medical benefits as well, although she would have to apply. The process takes time, but it's well worth doing.

I wish I could contribute monetarily, but we definitely are praying for comfort for you and your family. You're like an extended part of my family and I appreciate your generosity and open arms over the years. Hang in there!

Love to your family!

Dave
 

socbe7

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I really don't know what to say. We love you and are here for you. Please don't hesitate to ask for what y'all may need. This is one big family and we're here to help.

My thoughts and prayers are with y'all.
 
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Andrus

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Woe is me...……..I should practice PATIENCE!!! As soon as my card & check is done, I see your post that the fund has been set up...…..anyway, GOOD JOB in taking care of the family!

I don't think that she will care how it comes. She will simply thank you from the bottom of her heart!
 

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