Speculation You're dog can now speak, what do you do... (1 Viewer)

[Semper]

You wake up this morning and your dog greets you with a hello instead of a bark. He knows all of your secrets, all the things you have said and done in front of him are now his to share, or not share. What do you do? Or what do you think his first conversation with you would be?

 

[someone]

7:30 in the mor...what kind of weird arse dream did you have?

 

[Zack Lee]

Will he talk to everyone or is he going to try and make a fool out of me?

 

[BlackandGoldXLIV]

Marry them.

 

[Grumpy Old Manatee]

I sit the dog down and politely explain to it: "Whatever you do, stay away from 'saintsreport.com'. People are posting the most ridiculous stuff..."

Edit: I'd also explain the difference between You're, your and yore to the pooch...

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

“If you ever want to eat again you will say nothing about my search history”

 

[Zack Lee]

What does he have on you for real? He doesn’t know the secret of your baked beans does he?

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

What does he have on you for real? He doesn’t know the secret of your baked beans does he?

My assumption is that a dog’s sense of smell is their version of the internet- they know much more about us than we’d be comfortable with

 

[Zack Lee]

My assumption is that a dog’s sense of smell is their version of the internet- they know much more about us than we’d be comfortable with

but it could be useful. He could tell you if that neighbor has the rotcrotch and not worth pursuing.

 

[Zaphod]

But I don’t have a dog

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

but it could be useful. He could tell you if that neighbor has the rotcrotch and not worth pursuing.

And what if he comes back and tells me said neighbor has lavendercrotch?
What then?
You have to be thorough in these things

 

[Zack Lee]

And what if he comes back and tells me said neighbor has lavendercrotch?
What then?
You have to be thorough in these things

Houstons always had Yardleys Lavender soap in the bathrooms and I used to eat there once a week when I was younger. So I associate lavender with manly Smells (weird I know but I generally only go in the men’s bathrooms in that particular restaurant ). So it’s not my crotch of choice (NTTAWWT). But I stand by its usefulness. “Hey Zack, I don’t know what this means but the 11th guy she was with last month had growths that resembled cauliflower do with that knowledge what you wish”. See that would be useful.

 

[0rion]

Wait.....your dogs don't talk to you?

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

Wait.....your dogs don't talk to you?

I think OP meant ‘in english’
I never learned Portuguese

 

[Swamprat]

First, we'd have a delightful chat about the time we were chllin' in the backyard and a wayward mouse made a wrong turn and was noticed. He (dog) jumped into attack mode and proceeded to fling it onto the shoulder of my horrified ~18yr old niece who was desperately trying to escape to the house . To this day, I'm amazed the cops didn't show up with all the murderous screaming.... I'd let him know how appreciative I am to have that cherished memory, heck..I'd probably go get him a favorite snack as a thank you. It would've made Youtube hall of fame had it been on video.

Secondly, I'd like the low-down of all the shenanigans that went on with the kids when the wife and I were at work or away for the weekend. That would probably take a while.

Thirdly, I'd ask his his permission to bring in a young pup to train under his tutelage and take over the reigns at some point,... He's been such a FANTASTIC dog over these last 13yrs... I don't think we'll eve have another with such an accommodating personality.

Lastly, I would casually mention that the vet is only a couple blocks away and if he chooses to disclose any of my secrets, we may take a short walk...