Canada exploring use of semen samples to detect for driving under the influence of THC (1 Viewer)

[superchuck500]

Fredericton — In preparation for the Trudeau government’s proposed legalization of marijuana, New Brunswick’s top RCMP officer, Assistant Commissioner Larry Tremblay, confirmed this week that his force has plans to collect mandatory roadside semen samples as a method of catching impaired drivers.

“With alcohol we have the breathalyzer test, it’s accurate and reliable,” said Tremblay, “for marijuana the breathalyzer technology simply doesn’t work, so we’ve been investigating alternatives.”

One of those alternatives, semen samples, is supported by results from researchers at the University of New Brunswick. In a report of preliminary findings, Dr. Jose Canterbury wrote: “Because the body produces semen on demand, THC (the active ingredient in marijuana) measurements from on-the-spot samples of drivers’ semen are more reliable than any other method of testing.”

Addressing concerns about invasion of privacy and sexism, Tremblay affirmed, “We’re just following the science on this one, nothing political here; men commit 89 percent of impaired driving offences, and if this is the best technique with the most accurate readings, then we’re going to give it a try.”

Note: This is satire

New Brunswick RCMP to implement mandatory roadside semen samples under new marijuana legislation | The Manatee

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

Talk about performance anxiety

 

[Saint_Ward]

Would they offer to help?

 

[efil4stnias]

Would they offer to help?

sure would give a whole new meaning to "Mounties"

 

[BIG E]

When I read the title, I thought you meant Matt Canada from LSU.

 

[buzd]

I know there is a breathalyzer joke in here, but I can't seem to find it.

 

[Saint_Ward]

I know there is a breathalyzer joke in here, but I can't seem to find it.

So does the Cop have to blow into the suspect?

 

[buzd]

So does the Cop have to blow into the suspect?

I see you couldn't find it either.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

So does the Cop have to blow into the suspect?

ugh, that job would suck

 

[Saint_Ward]

Drive High get blown?

 

[superchuck500]

Y'all have all obviously never given a semen sample before.

Your choices are 80s porn with people you don't recognize even though you know 80s porn . . . or a four year old SI swimsuit issue.

 

[LOONEY]

so this would be called the spermalyzer test?

 

[LOONEY]

Talk about performance anxiety

So instead of yelling 'stop resisting' would there be cell phones videos of officers yelling' get it up'?

 

[PayOrPlay]

So does the Cop have to blow into the suspect?

It's like a Yakov Smirnoff joke, told in a thick Maritime Provinces accent. ("In America you blow into the Breathalyzer, in New Brunswick the Breath Analyzer blows . . .")

Maybe best to just give up and have a beer, eh?

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

So instead of yelling 'stop resisting' would there be cell phones videos of officers yelling' get it up'?

Cop: Comply
Driver: I'm trying...this never happens to me...quit looking at me like that