Pretentious Baby Names (1 Viewer)

Never knew this was a thing
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Taylor Humphrey can find you a baby name that fits your family’s personal brand, but it might cost you $30,000.

That is the top end of what a package with the US-based baby-name consultant costs. Fortunately, she also offers a more accessible option for $350 and, for customers who are willing to share their experience of her service on social media, a $150 discount on any subsequent naming needs. A bargain, really.

Humphrey, who set up her company What’s in a Baby Name in 2015, has helped a number of high-profile (albeit top-secret) clients find the perfect baby name.

She’s now taken to TikTok, posting advice, sharing lists and solving baby-name dilemmas for her 70.1k followers. (Sibling for Florence? Tricky, apparently, because the name sits between “high renaissance” and “cutesy vintage”. Humphrey suggests, among others, Daphne for a girl and Arthur for a boy.)

At the upper end of the spectrum, Humphrey caters to celebrities, influencers, professional athletes, politicians and tech executives, among others, who are keen on market research, brand-strategy development, feedback from thinktanks and comprehensive exploration of the family’s values and personal brand to make sure they make the right choice.

At $1,500-$30,000, clients can expect indepth consultations, a video or storybook telling the story of how “Baby X” got their name, doula support and genealogy reports.

For a paltry $350, Humphrey can supply a list of 15 names or feedback on the names you are considering, based on a questionnaire of a client’s preferences, tastes and values.

Humphrey is just one of a number of “baby-name influencers” on the rise across social media. UK-based YouTuber SJ Strum – who offers her consultancy services for free – shares unique baby-name suggestions on both her personal channel and her podcast, Baby Name Envy, while Canada-based Heidi Prunkl, who runs account@babynamesunday, shares weekly name ideas on YouTube and posts carefully curated reels featuring lists on Instagram of names as novel as, well, Novel, all displayed artfully against atmospheric backdrops and set to tinkly muzak. Prunkl also offers bespoke naming services, starting at $60……..

It seems I’m not alone, though, in wanting my child’s name to stand out. Last month, influencer Imogen Horton made up the name Oriavella for her second daughter. In fairness, Horton has previous, here: her first daughter is named Renaelia, another creation. (Incidentally, Imogen’s own name was invented, albeit accidentally, by William Shakespeare when his character Innogen’s name was misspelled as his tragedy Cymbeline was committed to print.)

And, although some of the top baby names in the UK, according to BabyCentre’s annual Top 100 list, seem to be immovable (Oliver and Olivia are stalwarts), when you look further down 2023’s list, a few surprises jump out.

For girls, we have Aurora (30, up 22 places), Violet (37, up 19 places) and Ophelia (90, a new entry). For boys, Sebastian (38, up 24 places), Mateo (63, a new entry) and Axel (76, a new entry) have surged.

Plus, with more names being registered each year, even the most popular names will become less common as they make up a smaller percentage of the total.

So where has this newfound name bravery come from? A desire to stand out on crowded social media platforms, perhaps? Humphrey certainly thinks so.

“In today’s age of social media, uniqueness is paramount,” she tells me. “Your name is your destiny. It’s your identity. It’s your brand. It’s the first impression people will ever have of you. I think parents are finally recognising that name choice can really dictate the course of their children’s lives.”

Choosing a name that might dictate the course of her daughter’s life was certainly on 40-year-old Suzana Barca’s mind when she came to name her now 22-month-old Phoenix Blaze.

That it was unusual, though, was incidental.

“We simply wanted a strong, powerful name to describe someone who will rise stronger when life tries to put them down,” she explains, which suggests that, perhaps, we use unique names to assign our children qualities or traits we admire. (I’m still trying to convince my partner that Lucky would be a great option.)…..

Not everyone, though, is a fan of a made-up moniker. According to Lucy Higginson, 53, whose children are Madeleine, 18, and Alexander, 14, there’s simply no need for invented names, which she deems to be egotistical and “the definition of naff”. There are plenty of great names, she explains, adding that she pities the school teachers who have to spell the names parents have made up.

“It seems like a bleating plea for attention,” she says. “I think it’s a real curse to saddle a child with a name they will have to spell out for the rest of their lives. A name has to fit for life. Lots of people name children because it fits the baby, but that baby will hopefully be a 50-year-old one day, who will want to be taken seriously and treated professionally.”……..

Makes sense- like weddings and now gender reveal parties, people are enormously anxious/vulnerable during these major life events (similar watching proms/homecoming and graduation for high schoolers) - that seems like an ideal time to exploit them for $$
 
Makes sense- like weddings and now gender reveal parties, people are enormously anxious/vulnerable during these major life events (similar watching proms/homecoming and graduation for high schoolers) - that seems like an ideal time to exploit them for $$
Vulnerable? I'm sorry but no, people are self-absorbed and are willing participants of this gender-reveal, elaborate 1st birthday parties that the kids won't even remember, going into debt for their kids to give them Christmas presents way out of their budgets, elaborate prom dates, elaborate baby showers & maternity photo shoots, etc. I refuse to act like people are being exploited. People are actively seeking attention and to live up to celebrity lifestyle they can't afford; let alone maintain all for the gram (and whatever other petty reasons they have).
 
Vulnerable? I'm sorry but no, people are self-absorbed and are willing participants of this gender-reveal, elaborate 1st birthday parties that the kids won't even remember, going into debt for their kids to give them Christmas presents way out of their budgets, elaborate prom dates, elaborate baby showers & maternity photo shoots, etc. I refuse to act like people are being exploited. People are actively seeking attention and to live up to celebrity lifestyle they can't afford; let alone maintain all for the gram (and whatever other petty reasons they have).
Vulnerable v self-absorbed do not seem mutually exclusive
More like steps on a path
I’m extrapolating from my pov, but I realized there was no manual for raising kids (or even being married)
The entitlement y’all are talking about seems just an expression of that anxiety just manifesting in an untoward manner
 
Vulnerable? I'm sorry but no, people are self-absorbed and are willing participants of this gender-reveal, elaborate 1st birthday parties that the kids won't even remember, going into debt for their kids to give them Christmas presents way out of their budgets, elaborate prom dates, elaborate baby showers & maternity photo shoots, etc. I refuse to act like people are being exploited. People are actively seeking attention and to live up to celebrity lifestyle they can't afford; let alone maintain all for the gram (and whatever other petty reasons they have).
Thanks, you saved me from typing all of that.
If you can't come up with a decent name for your own flesh and blood in nine months, and pay someone 30,000 to do it for you, the best thing you can do is seek out birth control immediately.
 
Going to a baby shower next week

And soon after that baby Macyn (Mason) will join the world
 
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it's the tattoo argument 20 years later - 'if you get visible tattoos, no one will hire you'
which turned out largely to be pearl clutching (save for nazi face tattoos and the like)
most people will adjust, some won't
Turned out to be

But for a long time was a reality

Definitely a time where if you had a full arm sleeve tattoo or neck tattoo your job prospects were limited to a name patch and a garage, warehouse or a traveling carnival
 
ochocinco, metta world peace, and

1697336439740.png want you to hold their beers

In addition to being adults all were celebrities

Probably not too many middle managers just deciding to change their name out of the blue
 
But not their daughters?

For the most part, no.

I know more than a few good old boy redneck types with artsy and "weird" daughters and it isn't a big deal to them. If it were their sons, it's be a whole different scenario.
 
So, I have a client. They have an employee who's name is Crystal, or so I thought

I just found out today that her name is actually Kristle
 

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