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that was an amazing readThis post is more personal than my work experience and one I really hope Jeff Miller reads. (also very long)
My oldest brother died in June, 2015 at 42 years of age. He was an alcoholic. He was homeless. He was picked up by local police in Dallas for trespassing (or panhandling, I can't remember). After spending the night in jail with no medical detox, he began having DT's and only then were they like "oh we should probably take him to the hospital". He died as a result of that. Would he have survived if they had not thrown a known alcoholic in jail with no medical detox and instead taken him to the hospital first? Too late to ask now. To this day I feel like there is some fault on the police/jail because everyone knows that at his level of alcoholism, you cannot throw them in jail and not have medical detox but that's beside the point.
His story: My biological father was an alcoholic (he wasn't when my mom married him but quickly turned into one) and from the time my brother was a baby, our father verbally and psychologically abused my brother. My mom, who was beat physically by my father (and is one of two memories I have of the man at two years old is of him beating up my mom and me screaming for him to stop), finally had the courage to leave him when I was 2 and my oldest brother was 8.
My mom felt so guilty about the way she allowed my father to treat my brother all those years that she essentially let him do whatever he wanted and he never had consequences or responsibilities. By the end of 5th or 6th grade, she knew he had some issues but never got him psychological help until he was 16 and by then, it was too late. He was not an addict at that time but he got into a lot of trouble and was not doing well in school.
He managed to hold it together, start his own small business and a family at like 22 or 23. He started to lose control and drink when he was kicked out of this church (it was/is a cult and that's a topic for another thread) that he met his wife in because they demanded everyone tithe 10% of their earnings to the church and he was like um no, I can't because I have a new family and am the only one working and was complaining to other "parishioners" about it and they snitched so the church kicked him out. His wife, instead of supporting him, kept attending.
Then my step dad (who was my dad in my eyes because he raised me since I was 3, my brother was 9 and was a phenomenal person) abruptly died on a business trip in Florida. It was then that his drinking went full-tilt. His wife left him because he was no longer holding down a job and spending their money on booze and also not taking care of the kids while she was at work because he was either drunk or passed out. I can't blame her.
After she left, he rented rooms from various people and job hopped. He then met some lady who was also an alcoholic that was like 20 years his senior who lived on a small trust left to her by her parents which her sisters managed because they wanted to ensure she had housing and was taken care of and didn't blow all of her money on booze. That's when my brother's drinking got realllllly out of control because he no longer needed to hold down a job, even temporary jobs, to pay rent.
After a year or so shacked up with this chick, she got her 3rd DUI and had to serve serious jail time (due to all the prior offenses - I think a couple years) so her sisters ended her lease and my brother had nowhere to go (he had burned bridges with all family members who had tried helping him before) and his alcoholism was out of control. He then moved into his jeep. Then he got a DUI himself, had no money to pay bail and spent like 3 months in jail and by the time he got out, had no way of getting his car out of impound and ended up on the streets.
After he died, I was a wreck. I had not spoken to him in years and the last time (prior to visiting him in the hospital on his death bed) I saw him, I cussed him out in my mom's kitchen because he was hammered and made some inappropriate remark to me in front of my entire family. I had so much guilt because many family members had offered or actually helped him(tried anyway) but I never did because I was so angry with him over his drinking and abandoning his familial responsibilities and wanted him to just pull himself up by the bootstraps.
One day a few weeks after he died, I was having a meltdown in my office and my best friend (who also worked with me) happened to show up to our building that day and stop by my office in the middle of my meltdown. I was lamenting to her all the guilt I had for not helping him. She said to me "Ang, he lost a battle he never had a chance at winning and you certainly do not possess the professional skills needed to help him nor do you or your family have the financial resources needed that would have provided him with the level of help he needed. Don't beat yourself up."
It was then that I really realized she was absolutely correct. So Jeff, while I hear you about choices and to some extent agree, I'd venture to say most homeless people with substance abuse issues do not have the tool kits to be able to to make those good choices. My brother certainly did not and that was established in childhood - as is likely the case with most of these other folks. That's not to say there aren't outliers who overcome the odds somehow.
What are we to do now that these people are adults? Turn our backs against the most vulnerable in society because of choices? Id like to think that as a communal society (which is what we *should* be - nobody can succeed totally by themselves in any situation) that we don't turn our backs on people. Can I personally fix mentally ill or addicted persons? No. But I believe that our society has the financial and human resources to do so.
Another poster said it best. We keep trying things we have always done and it's still not working. It's time to re-imagine the way we help these folks. One of the most detrimental impacts was the decentralization of mental health back in the 80's.
thank you for sharing
