Vehicle plows into crowd on Bourbon St., with 14 fatalities (60 Viewers)

[saintmdterps]

It's certainly possible. I haven't been in the dating game in a long time, and of course, objectively I'm a catch (/sarcasm for the internet).

I generally fall into the category of figuring out what's wrong with myself first and then working outward. And in that hierarchy, I'm going to focus on guys before I focus on women.

I guess I can bring up a point in another thread I made -- the idea of de-centering sex and relationships. We place way to much emphasis, and self worth, on whether we can get laid, or end up in a long term marriage. And I say that as someone who enjoys sex and my marriage. But I've gotten happier in my life and my marriage the more I define my value on how well I help other people out, or other measures of my worth to myself and society - and not on how easy it is for me to get laid.

Part of my recent setback was opening up to a woman I was dating. I was honest even though I felt vulnerable. My philosophy has been at 63 that I don't want to waste my time, nor waste the time of another so I'll just be honest from the start. I don't expect perfection and cannot offer it. We don't get this far in life without battle scars.

She used that honesty against me and just made it orders of magnitude harder for me to open up to the next woman. **** that ****, I'll play my cards close to the vest.

 

[UncleTrvlingJim]

Part of my recent setback was opening up to a woman I was dating. I was honest even though I felt vulnerable. She used that honesty against me and just made it orders of magnitude harder for me to open up to the next woman. **** that ****, I'll play my cards close to the vest.

I'm sorry man, that just sucks.

 

[Tapxe]

But then look at the number of guys making videos or posting at various places who talk about trying to open up about their emotions to their wives/girlfriends only to have them sheet all over them for it. I have a friend who was going through some really bad stuff, decided to uncharacteristically open up to his wife about it and instead of getting a kind ear he got read the riot act about how it wasn't her job to handle his emotional burdens.

Society pretends it wants men to be emotionally open and vulnerable but reality is often it's just better to soldier on because nobody in your life really wants to hear about it.

Therapy helps somewhat. It's a better option than opening up to those around you because at least a therapist won't weaponize your weaknesses against you.

I'll just say this. I've learned to open up enough to let them know I can be vulnerable. But they don't get to see the real vulnerable until they prove worthy. There are many really great women out there too. The problem might be the same on both sides in that the good ones are happily attached.

Then there's the divorce stats which show 70% of the time it is the wife who's checked out and leaving the marriage with her 50% which is fine if she put in for it. It is prevalent in women today expect to be kept in luxury just for existing. They get in FB grps and cheer each other on for not making dinner for the hubby because she's not his mom. Sprinkle sprinkle expectations and emotionally damaging jokes are also highly encouraged.

The latest greatest is telling the hubby she wants a divorce to see him beg for her to stay. Yeah, that is a real thing and men are walking away from that behavior.

 

[saintmdterps]

I'm sorry man, that just sucks.

I appreciate that. it was a bruising holiday season in a rough year. I was glad to see the *** end of 2024.

 

[CapitalCitySaint]

Add to that social media has distorted the female expectations to the point that studies who 60% of men under 30 have given up on dating. Men are frustrated by women who aren't worth the trouble any longer because they believe they are safer with a bear than a man. Then they go out and brag about getting a body count or complain that they were used when they ignore a decent guy and only talk to the ones who are willing to use them because they understand the game.

The false accusation angle makes it pretty terrifying to invite a woman to the bedroom especially if she's had some booze. And honestly, it doesn't end there.

It's a very dysfunctional scene which is less satisfying than firing up the web browser and taking matters in hand. It creates a cesspool perfect for men who have no emotional intelligence or social network for support.

This is an interesting take ...but let's be real, most rapes aren't reported because women aren't believed, had it coming because they were drinking/flirting/wearing the wrong attire. Men & boys have gotten away with it for years. Remember that guy who literally got caught raping the girl behind the dumpster and the judge let him off easy so as not to ruin his future?

The instances of false accusation are far less than the number of rapes that go unreported and men pose a threat to women at all times. As I stated earlier, it's not all men but it's almost always a man. We have to worry if someone put something in our drink if we turn our head for half a second, if the plumber coming into our house to fix the toilet will rape & kill us, can't go jogging at night in certain areas because some maladjusted man pissed off that his dad left 40 years ago might be lurking for prey, is the neighbor secretly spying on me to sneak up on me and attack, etc. This is reality for women. So if men are worried about accusations, then they need to blame the other men that have done these things for centuries with little impunity creating the stereotype. Women have to keep our head on swivel at all times while men are only just now having to worry about how their behaviors might result in negative consequences - boohoo cry me a river.

Some men are also struggling because women are no longer centering their lives around men and men actually have to be likeable.

The social media aspect is a whole other discussion - as it has ruined people's perception of reality of so many things; dating included.

I'll get off my soapbox. I've gone a little too far off the reservation with this rant and going to get the finger wag to stay on topic.

 

[Tapxe]

Part of my recent setback was opening up to a woman I was dating. I was honest even though I felt vulnerable. My philosophy has been at 63 that I don't want to waste my time, nor waste the time of another so I'll just be honest from the start. I don't expect perfection and cannot offer it. We don't get this far in life without battle scars.

She used that honesty against me and just made it orders of magnitude harder for me to open up to the next woman. **** that ****, I'll play my cards close to the vest.

Been there recently too. Sucks

 

[GrandAdmiral]

But then look at the number of guys making videos or posting at various places who talk about trying to open up about their emotions to their wives/girlfriends only to have them sheet all over them for it. I have a friend who was going through some really bad stuff, decided to uncharacteristically open up to his wife about it and instead of getting a kind ear he got read the riot act about how it wasn't her job to handle his emotional burdens.

Society pretends it wants men to be emotionally open and vulnerable but reality is often it's just better to soldier on because nobody in your life really wants to hear about it.

Therapy helps somewhat. It's a better option than opening up to those around you because at least a therapist won't weaponize your weaknesses against you.

Yep. Friend of mine is ex-military and tried to confide to his wife about PTSD that surfaced on him. She belittled him, called him a liar and basically forced him away from their home. Ended up in divorce. Life has been better for him since.

 

[Tapxe]

This is an interesting take ...but let's be real, most rapes aren't reported because women aren't believed, had it coming because they were drinking/flirting/wearing the wrong attire. Men & boys have gotten away with it for years. Remember that guy who literally got caught raping the girl behind the dumpster and the judge let him off easy so as not to ruin his future?

The instances of false accusation are far less than the number of rapes that go unreported and men pose a threat to women at all times. As I stated earlier, it's not all men but it's almost always a man. We have to worry if someone put something in our drink if we turn our head for half a second, if the plumber coming into our house to fix the toilet will rape & kill us, can't go jogging at night in certain areas because some maladjusted man pissed off that his dad left 40 years ago might be lurking for prey, is the neighbor secretly spying on me to sneak up on me and attack, etc. This is reality for women. So if men are worried about accusations, then they need to blame the other men that have done these things for centuries with little impunity creating the stereotype. Women have to keep our head on swivel at all times while men are only just now having to worry about how their behaviors might result in negative consequences - boohoo cry me a river.

Some men are also struggling because women are no longer centering their lives around men and men actually have to be likeable.

The social media aspect is a whole other discussion - as it has ruined people's perception of reality of so many things; dating included.

I'll get off my soapbox. I've gone a little too far off the reservation with this rant and going to get the finger wag to stay on topic.

It's a two way street. I've never condoned rape or violence against women. But because I was awkward asking someone out I've been treated as such.

For instance, the mkt where I shop is 2 doors down from a coffee shop. Happened to bump into a cashier from the mkt I'd been flirting with in line for coffee. She freaked out and acted like I was following her. Heck, a cashier at the coffee shop reacted as if I was stalking her even though I go there so much I have my own mug, but I went in on a day I don't normally.

I'm a big boy and worked thru it, but it still lingers.

 

[CapitalCitySaint]

Yep. Friend of mine is ex-military and tried to confide to his wife about PTSD that surfaced on him. She belittled him, called him a liar and basically forced him away from their home. Ended up in divorce. Life has been better for him since.

I know a couple who got divorced a year ago. The husband was cheating like crazy. The wife had all the money. He only ever had random odd low-wage jobs. She gave him a lump sum when they divorced (which she didn't have to do because the money was part of an inheritance she got prior to being married) and she continues to work full time.

He did not get his life together and move on and is constantly telling his ex-wife and children that he's going to commit suicide as a means to manipulate them and get them to feel sorry for him. There are crappy people from both sexes.

 

[Grumpy Old Manatee]

Nobody has really said why they needed maintenance. Just that they were doing maintenance on them in preparation for the Super Bowl. Being maintenance, I assume it was to make sure they properly functioned during the Super Bowl, not a situation where stuff was stuck in them and they needed to be repaired. But, I don't really know.

It's been awhile since I looked at them, and I never really took a very close look obviously, but my recollection is that there isn't much of a gap where stuff could fall in and get stuck.

Did no one remind “them” that New Year’s Eve and the Sugar bowl were upcoming?

 

[GrandAdmiral]

Boss just told me the guy killed from BR is her cousin.

 

[Dragon]

Gender expectations remain deeply conservative in American culture, and with the current political trends, these traditional norms may become even more entrenched.

I am a woman who has been married for almost 40 years. For the past 15 years, I have been the primary breadwinner in our household, building a career while my husband, an artist specializing in painting and sculpture, has managed the household. This dynamic, while still somewhat unconventional in the U.S., is far more common where I live, where nearly 30% of company CEOs are women. Many of my colleagues, including men, take up to a year of paid parental leave when their children are born—a practice encouraged by most companies as it benefits both employees and workplace culture.

Society is evolving, even in the U.S., and more women are pursuing careers on par with their male counterparts. However, for true progress, both men and women must give each other space to grow and accept one another for who they are. A successful relationship requires mutual effort, shared responsibilities, and—most importantly—active communication.

Listening is essential, and while women are often seen as natural communicators, we are not always as skilled at truly hearing our partners. Both genders need to prioritize this skill, as understanding and supporting one another is key to building strong, lasting relationships.

 

[Dragon]

Boss just told me the guy killed from BR is her cousin.

It is really sad that someone get so angry that he is willing to kill and cause so much damage and hurt to so many people.

 

[CapitalCitySaint]

Gender expectations remain deeply conservative in American culture, and with the current political trends, these traditional norms may become even more entrenched.

I am a woman who has been married for almost 40 years. For the past 15 years, I have been the primary breadwinner in our household, building a career while my husband, an artist specializing in painting and sculpture, has managed the household. This dynamic, while still somewhat unconventional in the U.S., is far more common where I live, where nearly 30% of company CEOs are women. Many of my colleagues, including men, take up to a year of paid parental leave when their children are born—a practice encouraged by most companies as it benefits both employees and workplace culture.

Society is evolving, even in the U.S., and more women are pursuing careers on par with their male counterparts. However, for true progress, both men and women must give each other space to grow and accept one another for who they are. A successful relationship requires mutual effort, shared responsibilities, and—most importantly—active communication.

Listening is essential, and while women are often seen as natural communicators, we are not always as skilled at truly hearing our partners. Both genders need to prioritize this skill, as understanding and supporting one another is key to building strong, lasting relationships.

Unrelated to the male/female gender wars, but this was really well said. I think the Truck Bomber Task Force should hire you to do their press conferences.

I know that I keep harping on it but I am just astonished that these people hold the offices they do, are completely incapable of giving an articulate, assiduous yet concise statement.

 

[St. Widge]

Did no one remind “them” that New Year’s Eve and the Sugar bowl were upcoming?

That brings up another whole issue with living in New Orleans. For the last 6 months or so everything has been centered around getting ready for the Super Bowl. They are spending untold amounts of money making things downtown look nice for the Super Bowl. i.e. repaving the streets downtown, fixing things in the Quarter, and putting in bike lanes downtown while the roads outside of the tourist areas continue to deteriorate and our pumping infrastructure continues to crumble. There has been a singular focus on getting ready for the Super Bowl while ignoring all the other issues. Apparently NYE and the Sugar Bowl got caught up in the same Super Bowl wash.