Outdated "manners" you'd like to see go away (2 Viewers)

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i went to military school. all of that sheet is already ingrained.

besides, i am one of the sadistic people who likes to hold the door open just to see people feel obliged to run towards it. ahh the fun.

i was taught not to wear hats indoors, open doors, say ma'am and sir, no elbows on tables, always cut food with same hand you eat with, blah blah. fork most of that.
 
UndeadSnoopy said:
Oh, I was being sarcastic.

I believe in family time at the dinner table without staring at phones and the TV blaring.

But I'm single now and my kid is grown, so it's me and my TV tray and our good friend Netflix many nights.
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I can't imagine alot of things we do without the kids when they're grown but that's a big one I'm going to miss. Good time to catch up on everyone's day. With our oldest working I find myself missing him alot in general. I wait up until he gets home every night and we talk about his day then but still not quite the same.
 
Heathen Saint said:
The maam sir thing is a little annoying to me. It's not that I have less respect for someone, it's just that I don't feel the need to distinguish. I think manners can be summed up not to proper phrases and gestures, but to being a genuinely good human being.
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i dunno. in the south it is generally accepted/ even expected at times. i've noticed some millennials get offended when you say it. awesome. making people uncomfortable with kindness is so much fun.
 
#1 I agree with. Anyone know what the original thinking around it was?

#2 Disagree. I hold doors open for everyone (I am a woman). I mean if you're still like 30 yards away from the door, I'm letting it swing shut but if you're right behind me or generally pretty close; hands full or not, I'll hold the door open for you.

#3 Disagree. I think a pleasant and thoughtful transaction - no matter how insignificant is worth the small effort as long as the person on the other end is not being a jerk.

#4 I agree with. Many people with one position get hired in at a certain rate and get standard cost of living raise and bonuses. Someone else can get hired in a few years later for the same position at a much higher rate. Then you have a brand new person making more than the person who has been there longer and unless you really advocate for yourself, your company most likely isn't going to gift you with a market equity adjustment.

That being said, I do not go around discussing my salary with colleagues as it is still considered taboo. I do know what everyone on my team makes though (even my boss) because I manage the departmental finances. I can't even share that info with my boss because everyone on the list are his peers except for me as he is the only one with a direct report.

I also don't have any issues discussing what I make with my friends and I have several friends who share as well - it's not a big deal. I make 6 figures but I am not "wealthy" and for the most part there is not a significant wealth gap between most of my good friends and myself (i.e. nobody is significantly more rich than the other). However I do have a handful of friends who don't make very much (inherent with the line of work they are in) and I don't really bring up my salary with them because I can tell that it's more uncomfortable for them to talk about - which is understandable.

I think without me telling my friends how much I make, with some simple math and a glass door salary search, they could get a pretty close idea of range anyway.
 
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You're spot on about #4 but old generations were taught well by their companies even without being explicitly said; you stay loyal to the company and retire and you don't talk money. Both of these, by the way, only serve the company.
 
zeetes said:
i dunno. in the south it is generally accepted/ even expected at times. i've noticed some millennials get offended when you say it. awesome. making people uncomfortable with kindness is so much fun.
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Oh i agree that making people uncomfortable with kindness is entertaining. I think it's just the fact that it isn't really a thing outside the south and maybe a few other places anymore, and plus I feel weird when younger folks say it to me. I think most people would look past it if you show respect (for an elderly person, say) by just being nice and not ignoring them. Maybe asking them about their day. I think that goes further than a formal title.
 
CapitalCitySaint said:
#1 I agree with. Anyone know what the original thinking around it was?

#2 Disagree. I hold doors open for everyone (I am a woman). I mean if you're still like 30 yards away from the door, I'm letting it swing shut but if you're right behind me or generally pretty close; hands full or not, I'll hold the door open for you.

#3 Disagree. I think a pleasant and thoughtful transaction - no matter how insignificant is worth the small effort as long as the person on the other end is not being a jerk.

#4 I agree with. Many people with one position get hired in at a certain rate and get standard cost of living raise and bonuses. Someone else can get hired in a few years later for the same position at a much higher rate. Then you have a brand new person making more than the person who has been there longer and unless you really advocate for yourself, your company most likely isn't going to gift you with a market equity adjustment.

That being said, I do not go around discussing my salary with colleagues as it is still considered taboo. I do know what everyone on my team makes though (even my boss) because I manage the departmental finances. I can't even share that info with my boss because everyone on the list are his peers except for me as he is the only one with a direct report.

I also don't have any issues discussing what I make with my friends and I have several friends who share as well - it's not a big deal. I make 6 figures but I am not "wealthy" and for the most part there is not a significant wealth gap between most of my good friends and myself (i.e. nobody is significantly more rich than the other). However I do have a handful of friends who don't make very much (inherent with the line of work they are in) and I don't really bring up my salary with them because I can tell that it's more uncomfortable for them to talk about - which is understandable.

I think without me telling my friends how much I make, with some simple math and a glass door salary search, they could get a pretty close idea of range anyway.
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this means you have the power....if you have the courage to use it

tenor.gif
 
Heathen Saint said:
Oh i agree that making people uncomfortable with kindness is entertaining. I think it's just the fact that it isn't really a thing outside the south and maybe a few other places anymore, and plus I feel weird when younger folks say it to me. I think most people would look past it if you show respect (for an elderly person, say) by just being nice and not ignoring them. Maybe asking them about their day. I think that goes further than a formal title.
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very true. if i am out of state, i forcibly try not to use it.
 
I should be able to fart in public without fear of smell shaming, hideous looks of horror, gasps, or judgmental nose holding... people act like I am the only person on earth that farts when I need to fart... Get outta my personal space and be gone with your sensitive sense of self righteous smells... my.beef.strong
 
One I find interesting and wonder how the history of it works is the practice of removing hats, etc. for a prayer. I find that one odd since Judaism and Islam say to cover your head, as did Catholicism for centuries. It makes me wonder how what was considered impolite, and even disrespectful, became the polite, respectful thing to do.
 
Dago said:
this means you have the power....if you have the courage to use it

tenor.gif
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About that:

My department at one point consisted of 5 Sr. Directors, an ops manager, myself, our VP and a full time consultant. All the directors are PhD biomedical engineers/scientists/drug developers - with the exception of the Business Development director. The nature of their positions inherently pay more than mine so it's not something I can really compare my own salary to. However, it would be nice to see salaries of others in the company with the same pay grade as me and compare notes. All I can base it on at this point is what I find on Glassdoor and the range is very large - there can be a $40-$50k discrepancy based on what is claimed on that site.

That being said, the operations manager quit back in May and I have been doing her job plus mine for 6 months now; in addition to a lot of the early engagement bus dev stuff as our BD director quit back in February and we also did not replace her and instead farmed out a lot of stuff to the greater bus dev department. At one point I had hoped they'd back-fill the ops manager role and I could focus on only mine. Finance takes up way too much of my time. I realized that they are probably not going to fill that role as the ultimate goal of my department once our grant funding ends in ~1 year - is to embed our different functions into other areas of my company which is already beginning to happen.

After thinking about it over the weekend, I came in to work yesterday and told my boss that I've been doing the job of 2.5 people for 6 months and that I felt that I deserved a salary increase and potentially an expanded title as well. Without hesitation he said he agreed and would get it processed with HR. My boss is cool, knows how much I've been doing (he's been doing a lot to pick up slack from some other vacated positions as well) and we are generally on the same page but I still kind of expected the default corporate answer of "budget...fiscal year...blah blah blabbedy blah".
 
CapitalCitySaint said:
About that:

My department at one point consisted of 5 Sr. Directors, an ops manager, myself, our VP and a full time consultant. All the directors are PhD biomedical engineers/scientists/drug developers - with the exception of the Business Development director. The nature of their positions inherently pay more than mine so it's not something I can really compare my own salary to. However, it would be nice to see salaries of others in the company with the same pay grade as me and compare notes. All I can base it on at this point is what I find on Glassdoor and the range is very large - there can be a $40-$50k discrepancy based on what is claimed on that site.

That being said, the operations manager quit back in May and I have been doing her job plus mine for 6 months now; in addition to a lot of the early engagement bus dev stuff as our BD director quit back in February and we also did not replace her and instead farmed out a lot of stuff to the greater bus dev department. At one point I had hoped they'd back-fill the ops manager role and I could focus on only mine. Finance takes up way too much of my time. I realized that they are probably not going to fill that role as the ultimate goal of my department once our grant funding ends in ~1 year - is to embed our different functions into other areas of my company which is already beginning to happen.

After thinking about it over the weekend, I came in to work yesterday and told my boss that I've been doing the job of 2.5 people for 6 months and that I felt that I deserved a salary increase and potentially an expanded title as well. Without hesitation he said he agreed and would get it processed with HR. My boss is cool, knows how much I've been doing (he's been doing a lot to pick up slack from some other vacated positions as well) and we are generally on the same page but I still kind of expected the default corporate answer of "budget...fiscal year...blah blah blabbedy blah".
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CCS after she left her boss's office

tenor.gif
 

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