Young couple goes on van tour of US, boy comes back with van - no girl (1 Viewer)

[Sun Wukong]

It definitely seems like running away (or more generically breaking up from a toxic relationship) is contrary to the wiring of the young adult mind. I was in a toxic relationship in my 20s and had a very hard time leaving, stayed in it for two years past when it was obvious that I shouldn't have.

I suppose that young adults, especially ones that have now defined themselves and their comfort space by the relationship, don't have the confidence it takes to make the right decision. It is frightening - more frightening than the toxic relationship. As you get older and more fully develop that sense of yourself (that we now know lasts well into the mid to late 20s physiologically and perhaps even later emotionally) it's easy and wise to look back and say 'what the hell was I doing'? Or 'she should have run' but the 22-year old is challenged see it that way.

Most people are terrified of being alone. I see it all the time. People maintaining toxic beyond belief relationships out of a fear of being alone. I have a cousin that just runs from terrible relationship from terrible relationship because she'd rather be in a drama filled nightmare of a relationship than no relationship at all.

Being alone does suck, and I'm noticing the numerous drawbacks of it more and more as I get older, but I certainly find it preferable to being in a nightmarish hellscape of a relationship just to have somebody around.

 

[Tapxe]

Two people with incredibly low self esteem.

The esteem issues are secondary IMHO.

Brain activity scans on trauma survivors who disassociate show how events can be trapped in the emotional phase and never reach the thought stage. If the trauma event cannot escape emotion to logic, the individual essentially stops maturing until the original trauma can be felt and processed fully.

Studies in rats even show that this trauma can be passed down genetically to offspring next generation.

These two were engaging in highly emotional traumatic activity very similar to what you'd expect in immature children. It's a cycle and if you can't understand it, I'm happy for you.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

It definitely seems like running away (or more generically breaking up from a toxic relationship) is contrary to the wiring of the young adult mind. I was in a toxic relationship in my 20s and had a very hard time leaving, stayed in it for two years past when it was obvious that I shouldn't have.

I suppose that young adults, especially ones that have now defined themselves and their comfort space by the relationship, don't have the confidence it takes to make the right decision. It is frightening - more frightening than the toxic relationship. As you get older and more fully develop that sense of yourself (that we now know lasts well into the mid to late 20s physiologically and perhaps even later emotionally) it's easy and wise to look back and say 'what the hell was I doing'? Or 'she should have run' but the 22-year old is challenged see it that way.

If we weren’t a social species we never would have survived
Pairing up is probably one of the strongest expressions of that social cohesion

The esteem issues are secondary IMHO.

Brain activity scans on trauma survivors who disassociate show how events can be trapped in the emotional phase and never reach the thought stage. If the trauma event cannot escape emotion to logic, the individual essentially stops maturing until the original trauma can be felt and processed fully.

Studies in rats even show that this trauma can be passed down generically to offspring next generation.

These two were engaging in highly emotional traumatic activity very similar to what you'd expect in immature children. It's a cycle and if you can't understand it, I'm happy for you.

very important post
Thank you

 

[Madmarsha]

very important post
Thank you

I agree except for the part where he says "passed down generically". I guess we'll just put that down to autocorrect.

 

[Tapxe]

I agree except for the part where he says "passed down generically". I guess we'll just put that down to autocorrect.

Correct, I fixed the original post.

I'll add that if you dig deeper, it can explain why people become thrill seekers and even heros or remain stuck repeating bad behaviors.

If it was a life threatening trauma which caused the disassociation, you may only feel alive when in mortal danger. So essentially, one can be programmed to seek out the exact trauma they experienced because in a perverse way it is the only way to feel emotion.

The brain is an extremely misunderstood and complex organ as shown in this PBS documentary.

 

[Madmarsha]

So essentially, one can be programmed to seek out the exact trauma they experienced because in a perverse way it is the only way to feel emotion.

That makes sense. I mean, it's messed up but it does explain it. And as far as that "life lesson" I mentioned? Well, that just goes out the window.