Does anyone have a parent who is a hoarder? (3 Viewers)

[Optimus Prime]

This issue is with my father.

He refuses to throw anything away.

We moved into that house in 1990 right before I started high school and the 2 car garage has literally never had a car in it for even a second. It was a glorified storage room which morphed into a junk room

Old shoes and clothes from grade school

Paint cans with a quarter inch of rock hard dried paint in them. Leftover scraps of wood from various projects

Phone books from 1992

Boxes of rusty nails and screws

A golf club that is bent in half (No one golfed, it was left in the house by the previous owner)

Even if it was just organized better that would create a lot of space but he refuses to do even that

And it's infected other rooms in the house too

On a shelf in the family room next to the big screen TV is a VCR. But not just any VCR, it's a Betamax. And forget throwing it out, for whatever reason he refuses to even put it away. Not in the attic, not in the closet.

Nope, it's out on the shelf in all its glory

It's not just the Beta, he still has the tapes to go with it. Movies that have long since been replaced on VHS, then again on DVD then again on Blu Ray.

He keeps the instruction manuals for appliances that died decades ago. It's like he expects to see a story on the news that says, 'a manual for a 1987 Cuisinart in fair condition just sold for $15,000' so he can have the last laugh

He private office looks like a homeless person lives there. His desk is fully covered in a stack of old mail that is at least 2 feet high. The bottom layer is literally disintegrating and turning to dust

My best friend is going through the same thing with his mother. His theory is that they spent money on this stuff. And in their minds throwing it out would be the same thing as wasting money

My mother is at her wits end

I know some may say sit him down and have a talk with him. That's been tried. Many times over the years

As has yelling, threatening, begging and pleading. None of it does any good

I'm very close to renting a roll off dumpster one day when he's at work and just getting rid of all of it

 

[Swamprat]

Did you ever watch "Hoarders" on TV? This is a deeply seated emotional issue and there is precious little chance that a simple persuasive chat or argument will provide any meaningful progress.

My wife's aunt was a world-class hoarder and at a point her health/mobility needs took precedent over the need to keep stuff. She acknowledge/admitted/accepted the fact it needed to be done and a small army of very caring family members spent several days tossing tons of stuff. When the aunt was out of the hospital, she missed some things but felt greatly relieved to be home with much easier mobility/household management and genuine caring and supporting family. Without the health event as an emotional trigger, no way the house have been cleaned up.

 

[superchuck500]

Did you ever watch "Hoarders" on TV? This is a deeply seated emotional issue and there is precious little chance that a simple persuasive chat or argument will provide any meaningful progress.

My wife's aunt was a world-class hoarder and at a point her health/mobility needs took precedent over the need to keep stuff. She acknowledge/admitted/accepted the fact it needed to be done and a small army of very caring family members spent several days tossing tons of stuff. When the aunt was out of the hospital, she missed some things but felt greatly relieved to be home with much easier mobility/household management and genuine caring and supporting family. Without the health event as an emotional trigger, no way the house have been cleaned up.

Yep.

And the therapists say that just pulling up with a dumpster and getting rid of everything without the hoarder's consent/buy-in can be very destructive.

 

[Booker]

My mom has hoarding tendencies. She lives in an old two story house with a detached garage/"mother in law" unit. When you visit, as long as you stay in the common areas you wouldn't know, but the garage is full of sheet, the two upstairs bedrooms are full of sheet, and the master bedroom is so full of sheet she and my step father now sleep in one of the other downstairs bedrooms.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Yep.

And the therapists say that just pulling up with a dumpster and getting rid of everything without the hoarder's consent/buy-in can be very destructive.

It wouldn't be my first choice, but this stuff isn't going any other way

 

[Optimus Prime]

Did you ever watch "Hoarders" on TV? This is a deeply seated emotional issue and there is precious little chance that a simple persuasive chat or argument will provide any meaningful progress.

My wife's aunt was a world-class hoarder and at a point her health/mobility needs took precedent over the need to keep stuff. She acknowledge/admitted/accepted the fact it needed to be done and a small army of very caring family members spent several days tossing tons of stuff. When the aunt was out of the hospital, she missed some things but felt greatly relieved to be home with much easier mobility/household management and genuine caring and supporting family. Without the health event as an emotional trigger, no way the house have been cleaned up.

I've seen clips of it but never a whole episode

Did the aunt admit that before or after the stuff was tossed?

 

[BigSlick]

If you have Audible, I can recommend "Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things", by Frost and Stekeete. Go check out the product page, read the reviews, listen to the preview (just to see what the narration is like) and see if it's a book that might be illuminating/helpful for your situation.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

we're no where close to full on hoarder - but i am in the process of helping my parents downsize to move them into assisted living and it ain't fun
just took a bunch of books to a used bookstore/buyback place - and he comes back with more books
granted it was something like a 30 v 4 swap, and i'm trying to let dad have some "wins"
but jeez

 

[WhoDatPhan78]

I’m a hoarder. My wife is the only reason I’m not surrounded by junk, but my car is full of fast food bags and Gatorade bottles. I clean it every year or so, and it’s like doing archaeology.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I just feel more comfortable surrounded by junk.

Not one bit of this post is tongue in cheek either.

 

[Optimus Prime]

I’m a hoarder. My wife is the only reason I’m not surrounded by junk, but my car is full of fast food bags and Gatorade bottles. I clean it every year or so, and it’s like doing archaeology.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I just feel more comfortable surrounded by junk.

Not one bit of this post is tongue in cheek either.

How would you feel if you went to go somewhere and found that your car had been cleaned?

 

[WhoDatPhan78]

How would you feel if you went to go somewhere and found that your car had been cleaned?

Violated, but I’d get over it because it’d just be a mess again in a couple of months.

 

[WhoDatPhan78]

How would you feel if you went to go somewhere and found that your car had been cleaned?

I should add that I enjoy the annual cleaning because it’s like a trip down memory lane. I actually do remember little things from the past year that wouldn’t normally be significant enough to recall.

 

[Optimus Prime]

I’m a hoarder. My wife is the only reason I’m not surrounded by junk, but my car is full of fast food bags and Gatorade bottles. I clean it every year or so, and it’s like doing archaeology.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I just feel more comfortable surrounded by junk.

Not one bit of this post is tongue in cheek either.

We’re you always like that or did it develop later?

Was your home junky before you got married?

 

[Optimus Prime]

If you have Audible, I can recommend "Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things", by Frost and Stekeete. Go check out the product page, read the reviews, listen to the preview (just to see what the narration is like) and see if it's a book that might be illuminating/helpful for your situation.

Added to my wish list

Thanks

 

[Mr. Blue Sky]

Yep.

And the therapists say that just pulling up with a dumpster and getting rid of everything without the hoarder's consent/buy-in can be very destructive.

I get that this is probably true, but I wonder why.. it seems like once the home was emptied/cleaned out , the hoarder would feel relief and be more comfortable.. i have a family member who’s a hoarder, and i’ve wondered if the dumpster solution would be effective.. but as Phan78 mentioned, the house would probably be a mess again in two months.. i think the only true solution is for the person to want to change within themselves, but i have no clue how one would ‘convince’ or cajole someone to feel something within themselves.. impossible, i guess.

As for me, as a result of being exposed to people who are hoarders, or even pack rats— i have over the years become a purger.. i get rid of even things that I might need, so much do i hate clutter... and i’ve never been able to bring myself to watch Hoarders, seems like it would be too traumatizing.