Does anyone have a parent who is a hoarder? (3 Viewers)

[Goatman Saint]

My mom while not hoarder level certainly keeps a mountain of stuff. Magazines, nothing special type, from 7-8 years old. The 50 years plus of National Geographic. Check carbons and canceled checks from 1989. It’s insane to me. I guess that’s why I have so little around. It’s a rebellion against my mom.

I told her when she passes away I’m just going to light the house on fire because I’m not cleaning it out. But then she talks about how the encyclopedia set downstairs from 1956, yes, 1956 is worth a good amount of money. Ok mom. Sure.

 

[billinms]

My MiL. We moved her into a one bedroom senior apt a few years ago and it is full of crap. Neighbors put out broken TVs, she gets them. A table with a missing leg, she gets it. It's driving my wife insane.

 

[Rickboy]

I think my wife would be a hoarder if not for me. I’m the complete opposite. If it hasn’t been worn or used within the last couple of years, it’s got to go.

 

[DCSaints_Fan]

Describes my dad perfectly.

Its not just the garage, its literally any space that belongs to him. After my parents separated, he got a place on his own. Within a few months, the place was so filled with crud that you could literally not walk from the front door to the kitchen without bumping into boxes.

 

[DCSaints_Fan]

I’m a hoarder. My wife is the only reason I’m not surrounded by junk, but my car is full of fast food bags and Gatorade bottles. I clean it every year or so, and it’s like doing archaeology.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I just feel more comfortable surrounded by junk.

Not one bit of this post is tongue in cheek either.

Being messy is not the same thing as hoarding. My car and apartment are also probably a biohazard.

The key for me is can you get rid of stuff if someone helps you.

A hoarder will fight tooth and nail against the suggestion that anything be thrown out.

 

[Tater]

Not a hoarder, but I do hang onto stuff that I can use for later on; until when I need it I can't find it.
My wife and I used to do street fairs and flea markets and we do have stuff still from that. It is all in plastic totes stacked in an outer building. We do go through them sometimes to see if most of it is worth keeping. If not it goes to good will.

I think some of mine comes from when I was little, my mom kept our house spotless. My dad had to replace the carpet once because she vacuumed it to death.

 

[porculator]

Do you think you could make some progress with the office stuff by scanning everything? Definitely offer to back it up on an external HD or the cloud. Hard to get that generation to trust technology sometimes but the prospect of having multiple backups is definitely an upgrade.

We aren't hoarders but we did read that Marie Kondo book (which I think is way too extreme for hoarders.) However, one part of the process which was really eye opening is how you take all your junk from every room and categorize it and put it in one pile. You'll find so many duplicates of the exact same thing. We had like 8 rolls of packing tape and 10 tubes of Neosporin. You realize how much money and space you waste on buying something you already have because you don't know where the original is.

 

[mean machine]

I get that this is probably true, but I wonder why.. it seems like once the home was emptied/cleaned out , the hoarder would feel relief and be more comfortable.. i have a family member who’s a hoarder, and i’ve wondered if the dumpster solution would be effective.. but as Phan78 mentioned, the house would probably be a mess again in two months.. i think the only true solution is for the person to want to change within themselves, but i have no clue how one would ‘convince’ or cajole someone to feel something within themselves.. impossible, i guess.

As for me, as a result of being exposed to people who are hoarders, or even pack rats— i have over the years become a purger.. i get rid of even things that I might need, so much do i hate clutter... and i’ve never been able to bring myself to watch Hoarders, seems like it would be too traumatizing.

Holy crap, I'm the same way! Your post sounds like my life. I'm a complete reaction to my parents. If I haven't worn it, used it, or looked at it the past year, it's gone.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Really don’t know what to do

 

[Tapxe]

Really don’t know what to do

Have you tried accepting him for who he is and how he wants to live?

You could offer a different solution such as having it all moved to a storage unit and getting him to agree that he can keep his hoard within that limitation so that areas of the house are of limits to his collection.

I know that sounds strange but it's a compromise that allows him to feel good and gets the house under control.

The only other thing I can come up with is a scam where you get someone to pose as a collector and offer him a big check to sell his collection. Problem there is if he doesn't sell he'll think it's a gold mine and if he does your buyer will have to disappear and the check bounce.

 

[Saint_Ward]

Read over this. Much longer than the part I'm posting. It's also important to distinguish being cluttered, a collector, or a true hoarder.

Helping Someone with Hoarding Disorder - HelpGuide.org

Dealing with a loved one’s hoarding can be frustrating and stressful, but your support can make all the difference to their recovery.

www.helpguide.org

Do’s and Don’ts of Talking to Someone with Hoarding Disorder

DO . . .

Educate yourself about hoarding disorder first. You may be tempted to view hoarding as a choice or personal failing on the part of the hoarder. But the more you understand about the disorder, the easier it is to be empathetic towards your loved one and offer the most appropriate support.

Listen and use the same language when talking about their possessions. People who hoard aren’t any more likely to refer to their possessions as “junk” or “garbage” than the rest of us. Listen to how your loved one refers to their possessions—as “collections” or “things,” for example—and follow their lead. It can help you build trust and understanding.

Focus on the safety aspects. Instead of telling your loved one that hoarding is wrong or that no one should live in such mess, focus on the concerns you have for their safety. Emphasizing harm reduction and how you can work together to reduce the risk of accidents or eliminate fire hazards, for example, can often kick-start the process of change.

Offer to help. People who hoard often struggle with decision-making and finding the motivation to change. While it’s rarely easy for any of us to accept help from others, your assistance and understanding can be crucial. The key is to offer to work together, at your loved one’s pace.

Encourage the hoarder to seek professional help. Even when a hoarder recognizes they have a problem, they can struggle to take the appropriate steps. You can help by offering to research therapists, support groups, and treatment programs in your area. Talk to them about the options available—and offer to accompany your loved one on appointments if that will help to keep them on track.

DON’T . . .

Be judgmental. People with hoarding disorder are often socially isolated and feel guilt and shame about their situation. Whether it’s in the words you use or your body language, try to listen without negatively judging the person.

Argue with the person. Trying to take control or force the hoarder to act in a certain way will only foster anger and resentment—and even make the hoarder more determined to keep their possessions. The attachment your loved one has for their possessions is real and no amount of arguing will change that.

Try to minimize the challenge. Hoarding disorder doesn’t have simple solutions and it takes more than simply clearing away the clutter to address the problem. Just as hoarding developed as a gradual problem, so too recovery will likely be a gradual process, one small step at a time. Recognize that there will likely be setbacks and be prepared for resistance from your loved one when you express your concerns or ideas.

Be discouraging. It’s easy to grow frustrated when talking to your loved one and focus only on the negative. But that will just make the hoarder more defensive. Instead, try to be encouraging by acknowledging positive aspects about their home first—the stairs are clear of objects so they won’t trip or there’s still space on a kitchen counter for them to prepare food, for example. Then you can explore ways of building on that—if the stove was clear of objects as well, that would make it less of a fire hazard to use, or if the pathway from the stairs was a little wider, that would make it safer to move around.

Tell the person what to discard or touch their possessions without consent. The items being hoarded may seem worthless to you, but it’s important to allow the hoarder to feel in control. Remain respectful, let your loved one decide what to get rid of, and ask permission before touching anything.

 

[Sailorsaint]

My oldest sister is/was a hoarder. She lived in a 3 bdrm home that we all grew up in. She worked at JCPenney for years and would get clothing for next to nothing. Her home ended up being stacked with crap through out and there was barely an aisle left to walk from kitchen to living rm to her bedroom. Most of the crap was clothing that still had the price tag on them. It was very bad until she decided to move in with her son and DIL in Colorado. They will keep her under control because it is their home, not hers.
My dad isn't a hoarder, but there are certain things he likes to hold onto, even though they no longer serve a purpose. I have a shed full of crap right now that I wish I could get rid of.

 

[Mr. Blue Sky]

My mom while not hoarder level certainly keeps a mountain of stuff. Magazines, nothing special type, from 7-8 years old. The 50 years plus of National Geographic. Check carbons and canceled checks from 1989. It’s insane to me. I guess that’s why I have so little around. It’s a rebellion against my mom.

Same here .. i mentioned in my earlier post that im a purger, since i will get rid of even things i might need later.. but i do have a few things from earlier in life that id like to hold onto in case i ever live to be 90 yrs old and want to have them- things like yearbooks, pictures, old love letters, etc.. but i think the key is to just not let it overtake you; i have all this stuff in about a half-dozen neatly-kept boxes that i keep in storage.. i have it separated from things i might need in day-to-day life, important papers etc, and it’s just labeled ‘memorabilia’ or mementos.. I realize a lot of it could now be photographed and uploaded , and maybe on day I’ll tackle that project.

I told her when she passes away I’m just going to light the house on fire because I’m not cleaning it out. But then she talks about how the encyclopedia set downstairs from 1956, yes, 1956 is worth a good amount of money. Ok mom. Sure.

Again, same.. the family member i mentioned in my earlier post isnt that much older than i am, and may in fact outlive me.. but in the event that they pass away , if it were legal, i would definitely torch the place, im 100% serious.. but since that isnt legal, ive researched companies where they will buy homes, even sight-unseen at times, even if they are in terrible condition and filled with junk.. then theyll have workers in hazmat suits go and clean them out.. i personally cant even imagine setting foot in the house myself for fear of what I’ll find, not the least of which are cockroaches and garbage everywhere.. it’s a very, very sad situation so i just try my best not to think about it, since our family has offered help many times and mostly been rejected.

 

[Goatman Saint]

Same here .. i mentioned in my earlier post that im a purger, since i will get rid of even things i might need later.. but i do have a few things from earlier in life that id like to hold onto in case i ever live to be 90 yrs old and want to have them- things like yearbooks, pictures, old love letters, etc.. but i think the key is to just not let it overtake you; i have all this stuff in about a half-dozen neatly-kept boxes that i keep in storage.. i have it separated from things i might need in day-to-day life, important papers etc, and it’s just labeled ‘memorabilia’ or mementos.. I realize a lot of it could now be photographed and uploaded , and maybe on day I’ll tackle that project.









Again, same.. the family member i mentioned in my earlier post isnt that much older than i am, and may in fact outlive me.. but in the event that they pass away , if it were legal, i would definitely torch the place, im 100% serious.. but since that isnt legal, ive researched companies where they will buy homes, even sight-unseen at times, even if they are in terrible condition and filled with junk.. then theyll have workers in hazmat suits go and clean them out.. i personally cant even imagine setting foot in the house myself for fear of what I’ll find, not the least of which are cockroaches and garbage everywhere.. it’s a very, very sad situation so i just try my best not to think about it, since our family has offered help many times and mostly been rejected.

Funny this reappeared. My mom passed in April, and I had to clean out her house June-July. Had a 25x12 dump trailer I filled twice, plus a couple other loads in my truck and probably 5 loads to Salvation Army. That’s not counting the furniture and dads woodworking stuff I kept. 5.5 tons of junk is what I removed if I remember correctly. This is out of a 980 square foot house with a basement. Absolutely insane

 

[kizzy821]

I would sneak it out in batches. Distract him while my accomplice makes away with piles of stuff. Probably preface my plan by telling him there's some robbers on the lose the neighborhood.

My dad is a hoarder. But I don't visit often and when I do, I stay in one room. I'm not venturing around that house. No telling what creatures have made a home there.