Im 35 years old and live with my 81 year old grandmother (2 Viewers)

[Sun Wukong]

My older brother is 50. Makes in the high $100k/year. Dates a gorgeous Latin American woman. Lives with my Mom.

That just seems like a choice and a fact that's offset by the money and successful romantic life. For some of us, it's not a choice and there's no positives to offset the negatives.

 

[DCSaints_Fan]

That just seems like a choice and a fact that's offset by the money and successful romantic life. For some of us, it's not a choice and there's no positives to offset the negatives.

I hear ya', after college I was stuck with my parents until I was near 30, as I didn't make enough money. When I finally did get a decent job I was able to move away, but didn't really improve my love life. If it makes you feel any better there are alot of things which are out of control. Successful people tend to think they somehow they owe all their success to some set of character traits which others lack. I think its baloney. Take Steve Jobs. His father happened to work for Xerox Parc. Like if he was a son of a rancher in Montana, would have had the same opportunity? Well there was more than one person in that era who had parents who worked for Xerox Parc, so maybe its true Steve Jobs owed some of his success to determination. On the other hand there probably were thousands of other Steve Jobs out there who just never had the opportunity.

Also another story, when I was undergrad there was a guy one year ahead of me, who I also went to high school with. Didn't know him all that well , but in my few interactions seemed like a nice enough dude. He was an EE, and after just three years earned enough credits to graduate and had offers from Ivy League schools for post-grad studies. Went on a trip to Europe, and for some reason he decided to end it all. Might have had something to do with a breakup. That was a major WTF moment for me. Like if this guy couldn't be happy with what he had going for him, what hope would there be for me?

At my current job I make alot of money, at least relative to most other people. But it mostly has to do with moving money around, I can't see the benefit to society that my work does, unlike in my previous jobs. I noticed thats an unfortunate pattern to modern life - there is often an inverse relation between compensation and benefit to society. Like the garbage man has a more important job even though they hardly get paid anything.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

At my current job I make alot of money, at least relative to most other people. But it mostly has to do with moving money around, I can't see the benefit to society that my work does, unlike in my previous jobs. I noticed thats an unfortunate pattern to modern life - there is often an inverse relation between compensation and benefit to society. Like the garbage man has a more important job even though they hardly get paid anything.

Thank you for noting this
To the best of my recollection, I’ve never said (nor do I believe) that my job is X% better than someone else’s job - but I’m pretty sure it’s not 50-200% less valuable than many others
Sometimes that’s what sets my pitchfork finger a twitchin

 

[gummbo70114]

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Edit Status Join Date: Apr 2022 11 posts, read 3,142 times Reputation: 51

I feel like a loser. I have lived on my own before but got tired of renting so my grandma let me live with her so I can save money on a downpayment on a house. I'm not a freeloader I pay her 500 dollars a month for bills, and I help her out since she has Arthirtis in her hands. I know this is a temporary situation but i still feel like a complete loser. It would be one thing if I was 25 but I'm in my mid 30s no kids never been married and dont date becaose what woman would want to date a 35 year old man living with his grandmother. Be honest should I feel this way?

Hell no you shouldn’t feel this way, matter of fact you find a woman that at at Myers what you’re doing ,that’s a keeper. As long as you realize that what you were doing is best for what you and your grandmother I don’t see anything wrong with this. And by the way if a woman looks down upon you because you live with your grandmother she is the one that immature.

 

[gummbo70114]

I know it's not in the spirit of the thread, but a goal without a timeline/deadline is just wishful thinking.

If your goal doesn't have a target date, you'll never know if you hit it or not.

Hey, Id hit it

 

[Crzycjunx76]

By the time my rent and bills are paid, I have almost nothing left over. Inflation/rent hikes have obliterated me.

Paying rent today. Thankfully the place the kids live is owned by a little old lady who knows the situation we are in, so their rent has stayed static at $2,150/month despite the property management company that runs the place arguing that a 2BR should go for much more. (I argue that it is a 1 and 1/2 bedroom, the room my oldest sleeps in is a converted powder room with no window.)

When I went to pay rent on my place, I saw that there is a notice of a $200/month increase if I go month to month next month, or a $100 hike if I sign a 9 month lease.

It is currently $850/m for my 150sqft studio.

 

[jboss]

I know we've kinda been on the "nuclear family" standard in more recent history, but multi-genrational families have been pretty standard for a long time. Across multiple cultures and eras. It's a shame to me that's looked down on by some people. I honestly think that's a better way of life all things considered.

 

[brandon8283]

Hey, Id hit it

But would it know or not

 

[Dago]

I know we've kinda been on the "nuclear family" standard in more recent history, but multi-genrational families have been pretty standard for a long time. Across multiple cultures and eras. It's a shame to me that's looked down on by some people. I honestly think that's a better way of life all things considered.

Honestly I think the whole "American Dream" thing was always a made up fairy tale. I've known a lot of immigrants and first generation Americans who are successful BECAUSE they were willing to have an entire family or multiple families live under the same roof, pool their money, and start or buy businesses.

It seems like the vast majority of Americans are incapable of putting themselves through short term pain for long term gain anymore. Sacrifice now to have more later (goes back to that issue I keep pointing out that our society only cares about instant gratification and doesn't think about long term consequences)

But that is off topic

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

I know we've kinda been on the "nuclear family" standard in more recent history, but multi-genrational families have been pretty standard for a long time. Across multiple cultures and eras. It's a shame to me that's looked down on by some people. I honestly think that's a better way of life all things considered.

Yeah it was just a story cooked up to facilitate post-war suburban expansion
Something that’s probably caused way more issues than it alleviated

 

[Icon]

I'm in a similar boat. I'm about to have to move back in with a family member due to rent prices having far outpaced my salary.

I struggle with a lot of the same things you discuss. I feel like I've failed at starting a life for myself. I look at everyone else in my age cohort and feel far behind them financially, romantically, etc. I'm in my late 30's and feel like I'll never be able to own a home, or have a family, or even be financially secure. I have severe anxiety issues over all of this. The other day I had a terrible panic attack in the middle of the afternoon that was triggered by all of this. I've been having them more frequently in general. Have even been having them at work, which is inconvenient when you're a teacher.

I've struggled with the idea that my mom died disappointed in me. This was never said and my therapist says it's me projecting my own disappointment with myself onto the situation, which is probably accurate. But it's still there.

I go through bouts of improvement and positivity. Things will seem better for a while. Then I get bogged down focusing on things I feel I have no real control over: being physically unattractive, having a horrible voice, embarrassment at my teeth that I don't have the means to correct, etc. And then I spiral again.

I've had a terrible few years. I think for a long time I clinged to the hope of "It'll work out," and now here I am on the wrong side of 38 and nothing has really worked out.

Based on the specific insecurities you mentioned, I'm curious as to what led you in the direction of teaching. I would think someone with those specific insecurities would be more prone to want some type of job where the majority of their interactions are over the telephone or email.

As far as your mom..... If anything, she was probably proud of the fact that you have been able to maintain the type of employment that is difficult to maintain with the type of anxieties you have.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

Based on the specific insecurities you mentioned, I'm curious as to what led you in the direction of teaching. I would think someone with those specific insecurities would be more prone to want some type of job where the majority of their interactions are over the telephone or email.

As far as your mom..... If anything, she was probably proud of the fact that you have been able to maintain the type of employment that is difficult to maintain with the type of anxieties you have.

This isn’t to answer for Sun but to address the idea of a teacher type.
Sure in grade school you’d want a relentlessly energetic, hyper patient foundation to your teacher with variation of personality and background layered on top
But starting in middle school, you really want to broaden your teacher types- gregarious teachers can be good in general and can help the capable ones advance
But sometimes the quieter ones have keener insight into the struggling students
Obviously you’d want diversity on a number of levels, that was just an energy example

 

[Sun Wukong]

Based on the specific insecurities you mentioned, I'm curious as to what led you in the direction of teaching. I would think someone with those specific insecurities would be more prone to want some type of job where the majority of their interactions are over the telephone or email.

As far as your mom..... If anything, she was probably proud of the fact that you have been able to maintain the type of employment that is difficult to maintain with the type of anxieties you have.

So this is where I'm weird and don't really have an explanation for why I am this way, but the truth is that despite being an introvert with a history of social anxiety and a laundry list of insecurities...I actually love working jobs where I deal with the public. I've worked as a newspaper reporter, historical site interpreter/guide, and now teacher among many other jobs. I like communicating things to people, teaching, having conversations, etc. Right now I've got a lot of problems with education, but I like working with my students and always have.

I fully admit it makes no sense.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

So this is where I'm weird and don't really have an explanation for why I am this way, but the truth is that despite being an introvert with a history of social anxiety and a laundry list of insecurities...I actually love working jobs where I deal with the public. I've worked as a newspaper reporter, historical site interpreter/guide, and now teacher among many other jobs. I like communicating things to people, teaching, having conversations, etc. Right now I've got a lot of problems with education, but I like working with my students and always have.

I fully admit it makes no sense.

There are tons of introverted actors

 

[saintfan-n-alex]

buy your grandmother's house then she will be living with you