Im 35 years old and live with my 81 year old grandmother (1 Viewer)

[Crzycjunx76]

Or act 23. Nones of us really knows what we are doing.

That was/is the hardest thing to figure out.

My parents always put on such a great façade of having it together and figured out.
It was only in my late 30's that I found out there was an affair, near divorce, arguments over how to raise me, near foreclosure, etc... I judged myself against the image my parents presented to me and where society said I should be in life... and I could not figure out how I could possibly be what I was "supposed" to be, figured I was just a hopeless fork up.

 

[Madmarsha]

Or act 23. Nones of us really knows what we are doing.

This meme sums up a thought I have very, very ... very often these days.

 

[Dago]

That was/is the hardest thing to figure out.

My parents always put on such a great façade of having it together and figured out.
It was only in my late 30's that I found out there was an affair, near divorce, arguments over how to raise me, near foreclosure, etc... I judged myself against the image my parents presented to me and where society said I should be in life... and I could not figure out how I could possibly be what I was "supposed" to be, figured I was just a hopeless fork up.

Yeah stop comparing yourself to others....I had to cut that sheet out

Only 2 things kept me from ending my life. The first was I knew it would hurt my parents and I couldn't do that. The second was my two dogs lol

I stopped judging my life by where others were and now I just look to be better than I was yesterday. A big part of it for me was that between the injuries and depression, I had put on a lot of weight so I focused on that and adopted a healthy lifestyle. I basically decided i couldn't do much about what life did to me, but only how I respond to it and certainly what I put in my mouth. It gave me the sense of discipline, challenge, and accomplishment I needed.

There are no guarantees....I may not find anybody, I may not get another business. That's life. But I also knew that the way that I was, I had pretty much 0% chance of getting what I wanted in life

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

That was/is the hardest thing to figure out.

My parents always put on such a great façade of having it together and figured out.
It was only in my late 30's that I found out there was an affair, near divorce, arguments over how to raise me, near foreclosure, etc... I judged myself against the image my parents presented to me and where society said I should be in life... and I could not figure out how I could possibly be what I was "supposed" to be, figured I was just a hopeless fork up.

Ha! My parents had almost all of their fights behind closed doors and quietly (even though dad had a pretty good temper)
Guess who sucks at confrontation

 

[Snakehead]

Only our effed up society would make you feel that way. We like to kick our kids out of the house at 18 and force them to make it or not and by making it that includes racking up tons of debt just so show they are "making it". Most Asian countries, the kids stay with the parents until they can support their own family.

You do you and anyone who thinks down on you, they can eat a sausage.

Also, I think it's admirable that you live with your grandma and can help her at this stage in her life.

When my son graduated HS, his original plan was to move in with his girlfriend's parents. The only reason he wasn't going to stay with us is we were moving cross country at the time due to a military PCS. My wife, my ex and I talked him into moving in with his grandparents b/c his grandfather wasn't doing well and they could use the help. Well he moved in and helped them. He ended up getting to spend a year with his grandfather before his passed, then he stayed and helped his grandma until he finally moved out.

 

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Edit Status Join Date: Apr 2022 11 posts, read 3,142 times Reputation: 51

I feel like a loser. I have lived on my own before but got tired of renting so my grandma let me live with her so I can save money on a downpayment on a house. I'm not a freeloader I pay her 500 dollars a month for bills, and I help her out since she has Arthirtis in her hands. I know this is a temporary situation but i still feel like a complete loser. It would be one thing if I was 25 but I'm in my mid 30s no kids never been married and dont date becaose what woman would want to date a 35 year old man living with his grandmother. Be honest should I feel this way?

I was one of those who was able to move away from home a few months shy of turning 24, without having to reverse course.

Some in that situation might say "well *I* did this this, or that", as if it was all their doing.

I'll tell you straight up, it's because I've been blessed. Likely didn't even deserve that level of grace at times.

During the Great Recession of the late 2000s and the last few years of Covid, I literally never missed a paycheck.

Anything less could have very easily caused me to have to make living arrangements similar to yours. Most people are just 1 major negative event away from having to completely alter their living situations.

 

[Snakehead]

Off topic, but on topic. Back in 2015 the AF changed its age cutoff to 39 y/o. In my last few years on active duty, I met Airmen who had just joined the AF and we were the same age or very close to it. Quite a few had similar stories and decided to go that route b/c the age cutoff was raised so high. Obviously not everyone can join whether it be health, drug and criminal history, but being single without kids is a positive for joining and due to the need, I am sure some things are waiverable now. Even a 4-year enlistment can be life changing considering the opportunities, medical and educational benefits.

 

[Crzycjunx76]

Guess who sucks at confrontation

Same.

It is a point of slow... almost imperceptable, but determined, growth.

 

[Crzycjunx76]

. Most people are just 1 major negative event away from having to completely alter their living situations.

There are a lot of stats out there talking about the impact of missed paychecks.

I dont recall the source but one study I saw quoted suggested that without outside financial assistance slightly over half of Americans were two weeks lost pay away from homelessness and another 20% would fall short of money needed for essential bills and food.

 

[Icon]

There are a lot of stats out there talking about the impact of missed paychecks.

I dont recall the source but one study I saw quoted suggested that without outside financial assistance slightly over half of Americans were two weeks lost pay away from homelessness and another 20% would fall short of money needed for essential bills and food.

This is probably another topic for another day, but I think Covid brought the "living above their means" aspect of many Americans to the forefront in a big way.

Obviously there are many others out there who AREN'T necessarily living above their means and still have to live paycheck-to-paycheck, but I think it's safe to say we all know some people who swear they can barely make ends meet ......and yet, they have a new vehicle every 5 years, new gaming systems, all the updated phones.....and not to mention, they dine at restaurants 3 or 4 times a week.

 

[kizzy821]

This is probably another topic for another day, but I think Covid brought the "living above their means" aspect of many Americans to the forefront in a big way.

Obviously there are many others out there who AREN'T necessarily living above their means and still have to live paycheck-to-paycheck, but I think it's safe to say we all know some people who swear they can barely make ends meet ......and yet, they have a new vehicle every 5 years, new gaming systems, all the updated phones.....and not to mention, they dine at restaurants 3 or 4 times a week.

I can't relate, but I think I understand why that is. Their life sucks. And they're trying to squeeze "joy" from wherever they can.

I imagine those little moments of short-lived pleasure (buying stuff you can't afford) is better than no pleasures at all.

 

[Icon]

I can't relate, but I think I understand why that is. Their life sucks. And they're trying to squeeze "joy" from wherever they can.

I imagine those little moments of short-lived pleasure (buying stuff you can't afford) is better than no pleasures at all.

Entitlement mindset also.

They "deserve" whatever new item.....or whatever family vacation / cruise.

 

[EGLSShin]

You'd be shocked how many 40 year olds are living with their parents. I have a few in my family and I don't one bit feel like they're losers. When rent is 1800$+ and jobs pay 12$ an hour and want degrees higher than Bachelor's, you can kiss owning a house goodbye. Most of the younger folks I know had to move all the way out in the country, we're talking deep boonies to get houses at a reasonable price compared to old Metairie. 1 house next door to me is a rinky dink, 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house and sold for 420,000$ the guy who bought it is gonna eventually flip it down the road but thats just absurd prices, especially in wage deficient Louisiana where we're at the bottom of almost every financial category.

 

[Sun Wukong]

I'm in a similar boat. I'm about to have to move back in with a family member due to rent prices having far outpaced my salary.

I struggle with a lot of the same things you discuss. I feel like I've failed at starting a life for myself. I look at everyone else in my age cohort and feel far behind them financially, romantically, etc. I'm in my late 30's and feel like I'll never be able to own a home, or have a family, or even be financially secure. I have severe anxiety issues over all of this. The other day I had a terrible panic attack in the middle of the afternoon that was triggered by all of this. I've been having them more frequently in general. Have even been having them at work, which is inconvenient when you're a teacher.

I've struggled with the idea that my mom died disappointed in me. This was never said and my therapist says it's me projecting my own disappointment with myself onto the situation, which is probably accurate. But it's still there.

I go through bouts of improvement and positivity. Things will seem better for a while. Then I get bogged down focusing on things I feel I have no real control over: being physically unattractive, having a horrible voice, embarrassment at my teeth that I don't have the means to correct, etc. And then I spiral again.

I've had a terrible few years. I think for a long time I clinged to the hope of "It'll work out," and now here I am on the wrong side of 38 and nothing has really worked out.

 

[brandon8283]

Yeah, it's good to have goals but timelines?

I know it's not in the spirit of the thread, but a goal without a timeline/deadline is just wishful thinking.

If your goal doesn't have a target date, you'll never know if you hit it or not.