Im 35 years old and live with my 81 year old grandmother (3 Viewers)

[0rion]

Being too hard on yourself. Make sure you take care of your grandma....if you don't that's what will make you a loser in my book. Looking after her makes you a hero and I think a large majority of women would find that appealing.

 

[mattgdg]

When I was 35, I had accepted I would never marry, have kids or even live on my own. 13 years later, I have been married for almost 12 years, have a 9 year-old daughter and have been a home owner for 5 years.

There are a ton of people who are living the same life you are and those of us that have been there before. As hard as it is, keep the faith - life often changes when you least expect it.

 

[Crzycjunx76]

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Edit Status Join Date: Apr 2022 11 posts, read 3,142 times Reputation: 51

I feel like a loser. I have lived on my own before but got tired of renting so my grandma let me live with her so I can save money on a downpayment on a house. I'm not a freeloader I pay her 500 dollars a month for bills, and I help her out since she has Arthirtis in her hands. I know this is a temporary situation but i still feel like a complete loser. It would be one thing if I was 25 but I'm in my mid 30s no kids never been married and dont date becaose what woman would want to date a 35 year old man living with his grandmother. Be honest should I feel this way?

When I was 34 I was living with my parents. A few years earlier I had become the father of a then 4yr old. When we moved in with my parents they were 5, their mother was having serious medical problems, and my son was on his way.

I had my masters degree but I was between "career" jobs and working unloading trucks. I was ashamed, and the shame was paralyzing and self defeating.

Ultimately that shame was a big reason for breakdown of my relationship with the kids mother.

Ultimately I got my head out of my butt and got my career on track. It has not been perfect and things are still tight, but I can fully financially support two households in Seattle.

Look at what you have as an opportunity. Having family who can help the way your grandmother is helping you is sadly a rare thing today... and without family help the bottom is much further down, and the outlook for any sort of future is far bleaker.

You have a safety net that can allow you to better yourself and go on to a better life and future.

Dont be ashamed, be determined to make the most out of it.

Edit: Also it was a different time, but my parents had me, a bunch of debt, and multiple jobs but no career at 35. For the first year of my life they lived with my grandfather.

At 40 my mother graduated college and that same year my dad passed the CPA exam (with a history degree).

By 45 they had a house note, but their other debt was cleared and their careers were steadily growing. Still little to no retirement savings.

By 65 they both retired... with about 4 million in total assets, and have been joyously spending it traveling around the world for the past 10 years.

 

[mjcouvi]

Also, take a step back and be grateful. You're in a good position. You don't have the financial/emotional responsibility of a wife or kids. You can easily have 50 or so good years left to live if you live well. The world is open to you. If you continue to compare yourself to American popular culture's idea of success then you risk losing out on much of what life has to offer.

 

[CapitalCitySaint]

Yeah, one other thing that some others have indirectly said: try not to get hung up on timelines/what your peers are doing.

This country has done a great job of indoctrinating everyone to think that life is supposed to flow similarly for everyone. That after HS, you go to college, get a nice little 9-5 desk job, marry your college sweetheart, buy the white house with picket fence, get a golden retriever then have perfect babies that never cry or turn into teenagers that you can’t forkin’ stand, send them off to college, finally start living for you again, get arthritis, then become grandparents and devote your life to looking after the grandbrats, then die.

‘They’ have us believing this is the only acceptable way to live so it feels unnatural to go against that grain.

My timelines in life have never looked like those of my peers and I always feel like a misfit so I am always excited to meet people who don’t follow this ‘traditional’ path that most people take. And honestly, this cookie cutter life isn’t for everyone. It has driven millions of people to lead an unfulfilled life & unhappy for most of it.

Consider yourself fortunate that you get to have this opportunity to save money towards a long term investment & that you get to help your grandma. It’s lonely for the elders. My grandma is 92 & refuses to move into an assisted living apartment though she sorely needs it. Most of her siblings and friends have died. My aunts and uncle live 4 hours from her. My biological father lives nearby but she absolutely does not want him living there (I don’t blame her), I live out of state and my two girl cousins are college age and want nothing to do with taking care of her. She cant drive anymore so she’s very isolated & lonely.

Your parents/aunts/uncles are probably grateful someone is there to look after her.

 

[Madmarsha]

You might have to date older, but trust me, I don't care who- I mean THEY don't care who or what you're going home to...

Let's just hang out and have fun. Then you go do you, I have to get up early tomorrow.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

When I was 35, I had accepted I would never marry, have kids or even live on my own. 13 years later, I have been married for almost 12 years, have a 9 year-old daughter and have been a home owner for 5 years.

There are a ton of people who are living the same life you are and those of us that have been there before. As hard as it is, keep the faith - life often changes when you least expect it.

Me very similar except for the owning home part - I lived with my parents for a few months while in grad school/adjunct teaching and I’m the very opposite of a loser
You’re in Elite company OP

 

[Dago]

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Edit Status Join Date: Apr 2022 11 posts, read 3,142 times Reputation: 51

I feel like a loser. I have lived on my own before but got tired of renting so my grandma let me live with her so I can save money on a downpayment on a house. I'm not a freeloader I pay her 500 dollars a month for bills, and I help her out since she has Arthirtis in her hands. I know this is a temporary situation but i still feel like a complete loser. It would be one thing if I was 25 but I'm in my mid 30s no kids never been married and dont date becaose what woman would want to date a 35 year old man living with his grandmother. Be honest should I feel this way?

For the 2nd time in my life I am starting over. Back in 2000-2001 I lost everything due to an illness that paralyzed me and messed up my memory. Fortunately my folks were there to help me
In the past few years I have had some severe injuries due to car wrecks that weren't my fault, covid killed my business, and my wife has left me so I am starting over yet again at 46 years old. Things were pretty bad for awhile for me mentally

Don't feel alone....more of us have gone thru similar than you realize. You aren't a loser...sounds like you have a good plan going and you are giving as much as you are getting.

I got going again by focusing on making myself a better person because I needed to feel good about me again and also started doing some volunteer work. Just started dating again and I will have another business of my own. The alternative was to stay depressed and miserable

You'll get there

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

For the 2nd time in my life I am starting over. Back in 2000-2001 I lost everything due to an illness that paralyzed me and messed up my memory. Fortunately my folks were there to help me
In the past few years I have had some severe injuries due to car wrecks that weren't my fault, covid killed my business, and my wife has left me so I am starting over yet again at 46 years old. Things were pretty bad for awhile for me mentally

Don't feel alone....more of us have gone thru similar than you realize. You aren't a loser...sounds like you have a good plan going and you are giving as much as you are getting.

I got going again by focusing on making myself a better person because I needed to feel good about me again and also started doing some volunteer work. Just started dating again and I will have another business of my own. The alternative was to stay depressed and miserable

You'll get there

I think I knew about the business issues, didn’t know about the wife
Sorry to hear this
But hey, Act 3 is where all the good stuff happens

 

[Dago]

I think I knew about the business issues, didn’t know about the wife
Sorry to hear this
But hey, Act 3 is where all the good stuff happens

Thats the hope!

 

[Madmarsha]

My timelines in life have never looked like those of my peers and I always feel like a misfit so I am always excited to meet people who don’t follow this ‘traditional’ path that most people take. And honestly, this cookie cutter life isn’t for everyone. It has driven millions of people to lead an unfulfilled life & unhappy for most of it.

Yeah, it's good to have goals but timelines? This by this age, that by that age. I think that has good possibilities for leading to mistakes of one degree or another and not necessarily to the happiness we think we will have.

 

[CJL]

For the 2nd time in my life I am starting over. Back in 2000-2001 I lost everything due to an illness that paralyzed me and messed up my memory. Fortunately my folks were there to help me
In the past few years I have had some severe injuries due to car wrecks that weren't my fault, covid killed my business, and my wife has left me so I am starting over yet again at 46 years old. Things were pretty bad for awhile for me mentally

Don't feel alone....more of us have gone thru similar than you realize. You aren't a loser...sounds like you have a good plan going and you are giving as much as you are getting.

I got going again by focusing on making myself a better person because I needed to feel good about me again and also started doing some volunteer work. Just started dating again and I will have another business of my own. The alternative was to stay depressed and miserable

You'll get there

Thanks for the encouragement really appericate it wish you nothing but the best!

 

[CapitalCitySaint]

I think I knew about the business issues, didn’t know about the wife
Sorry to hear this
But hey, Act 3 is where all the good stuff happens

Or act 23. Nones of us really knows what we are doing.

 

[Dago]

Or act 23. Nones of us really knows what we are doing.

Truth

 

[zeetes]

lol i'm almost 44 and my 65 year old mom and 34 year old brother live with me. at least you pay.