You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations. (3 Viewers)

[Optimus Prime]

When I was about 12 or 13, my dad gave me a $50 bill to hold while we ran errands before driving to the video store. We eventually made it to the video store and he asked me for the money. I thought had given it back to him in the car, but I didnt remember for sure. I told him that I thought I had given it back to him after I checked my pockets. He checked his pockets. No $50. He was pissed. Irate. We the aisles of the video store, then the parking lot, and then the car. All the while he was calling me every name in the book. He was red hot angry. Told the video clerk something to the effect of, "my _______ son lost the damn money". We get in the car are driving back in silence. 15 minutes go by. He's too angry to talk anymore. I feel like pure crap, because I can't recall giving him the money back. I had to have right? What the hell did I do with it? God, he's right. I'm a frocking idiot. How did I lose that much money? All these thoughts are running through my mind as we ride in silence.

Then, without cause, without so much as a word, he reaches up and pats his shirt. There's a shirt pocket on the right hand side of his t-shirt. He reaches in and finds the missing bill. He pulls it out and looks at it. Pulls over. He turns to me and says the following. I remember it as if it happened yesterday. "I did give it back to me. I called you every name I could think of, I had it the whole time. I'm sorry." My dad apologized to me. He apologized to me.
"That's okay", I say quietly as I still wrestle with the wave of relief sweeping over me and the shock of hearing a remorseful apology from my hero.
"No, it's not. That's on me." We went back to story and got the movies we initially were going to rent. He also let me get a video game which never happened. He never told the clerk how we found the money, but I'm guessing the video game tipped him off that it wasnt my fault, LOL.

In hindsight, I can say that I gained a lot more respect for my dad that day. I learned a lot too. Sometimes dads make mistakes. Own them.

I dont remember the movies we rented, but I rented Paperboy that day. Worse video game ever.

I don't think I have ever heard my father say "I'm sorry" once to me in my life.

If this had happened to me there would have no apology.

Maybe we would have gone back to the store and maybe I would have been allowed to get a game or extra movie, (very iffy) with the full understanding that this is all the apology I was going to get.

If I had asked , "Aren't you going to say you're sorry?" I would have been yelled at

My father went by the two rules of parenting:

Rule #1 - The parent is always right

Rule #2 - If the parent is ever wrong see Rule #1

 

[Optimus Prime]

I think it’s the same either way. My kids are much closer to me rather than my wife. She grew up with both physical and verbal abuse, therefore has difficulties bringing that close personal love to a relationship even though she has done massive amounts to move beyond her upbringing. She has never abused our kids in any way, has been a great mom, but that closeness that I have she doesn’t. Anyway, I believe it goes both ways. Mom or dad.

Is your wife jealous of the closeness between you and the kids?

 

[Goatman Saint]

Is your wife jealous of the closeness between you and the kids?

I’m not sure if jealous is the correct term, but yeah it is an issue from time to time certainly much more when they were younger rather than now when they in their 20s. The kids have actually made it better because I’ve noticed they ask her opinion in how to manage school/job/money moreso than I as a way to build a bond. But if it comes down to emotional help it’s usually still me.

 

[nolaswede]

Thanks for posting O.P. One of the better threads and really made me think. And it's nice to read an important article we can agree on, especially nowadays when we are so quick to point out how "wrong" one is for voting for a certain party.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Bumped for Fathers Day

 

[Tony1Saintfan]

I can say that I have acted like that in my past. I’m not proud of it at all but at least i found out what was causing my behavior. For most of my life I thought depression was something that weak people suffered from. I was wrong. I had to deal with the death of a girlfriend when I was17. I had carried that hurt in my mind for years. It wasn’t until I had a conversation with a friend of mine who happens to be a psychiatrist. She asked me if I would mind coming by her office and talk to her. I did and her diagnosis hit me like a brick wall. I started taking medication for it and my life has improved dramatically. I’m happier now than at any point in my life. My kids thankfully were tough enough to not let my anger hurt them. I’ve paid for all of my kids to go in and talk with my friend. She had very positive things to say about each of them. We went in together and talked as a family and had a great talk.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

I can say that I have acted like that in my past. I’m not proud of it at all but at least i found out what was causing my behavior. For most of my life I thought depression was something that weak people suffered from. I was wrong. I had to deal with the death of a girlfriend when I was17. I had carried that hurt in my mind for years. It wasn’t until I had a conversation with a friend of mine who happens to be a psychiatrist. She asked me if I would mind coming by her office and talk to her. I did and her diagnosis hit me like a brick wall. I started taking medication for it and my life has improved dramatically. I’m happier now than at any point in my life. My kids thankfully were tough enough to not let my anger hurt them. I’ve paid for all of my kids to go in and talk with my friend. She had very positive things to say about each of them. We went in together and talked as a family and had a great talk.

thank you for sharing

 

[HoustonSaint68]

New dads should keep "Cats in the cradle" in a playlist, and listen to it weekly or monthly".

I never really understood all the boo-hooing about Cat's in the Cradle. I mean, yeah, I understand the point Croce's trying to make. But, strictly considering the ACTUAL lyrics, the worst thing about the protagonist father is that after the son grows up he sounds pretty selfish and needy.

Of course the kid wants to hang out with his old buddies when he comes home from college. And, Jesus, later he's just told you that he's dealing with a new job and his kid's got the flu -- get on a damn plane already and go help him out instead of whining that he doesn't have time to gab with you on the phone!!

 

[Tony1Saintfan]

thank you for sharing

Hey if it can happen to me it can happen to anyone. I just want people to understand and to get the help they need.

 

[Zack Lee]

I have to say that when I am in public I see many more mothers breaking children than men. Not being sexist, men break them too but usually more with indifference. When I hear some of the mothers talking to these kids though I want to slap a hoe.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

I have to say that when I am in public I see many more mothers breaking children than men. Not being sexist, men break them too but usually more with indifference. When I hear some of the mothers talking to these kids though I want to slap a hoe.

Seems that would be a numbers game
You (we) probably see way more moms with kids in general- so more chance to publicly break kids

The toughest for me was riding the subway watching some iverstressed mom to to wrangle 3-4 bored, restless kids
eek

 

[livefromDC]

I have to say that when I am in public I see many more mothers breaking children than men. Not being sexist, men break them too but usually more with indifference. When I hear some of the mothers talking to these kids though I want to slap a hoe.

Kind of speaks to another issue. Moms are with kids doing menial tasks like Costco and groceries with kids more often than dads. That probably makes for the difference.

 

[OldSaintFan]

Hitting too close to home, man. I yell at my kids too much.

In fairness, they are absolutely totally insane. High-energy little boys that feed off each other's energy. It's like a perfect storm of chaos most days. I would say the majority of time I am yelling at them it is for legitimate reasons.

But there are other times I'm just annoyed and it's not really their fault, and it's not fair for me to expect them to act like adults when they're just not adults.

It's also not fair that both their parents work 50 and 60 hours a week and don't spend nearly enough time with them - and what time we do have to spend with them, we're usually dog tired and ill-tempered because of it.

The key words are " they are little boys" think about that.

 

[saintfan1972]

My wife and I are parents to 4 boys. 3 are grown now and 1 still in high school. First thing I learned early is that they arent born with a book on parenting. You learn as you go. Each child is different. My sons got spanked when they needed it as I did when I was growing up. They love me and I love them.

I would raise my voice at them when they needed it but also hug and comfort them also. I coached them in baseball and was harder on them than others but it was because I knew what they could do and the time we spent preparing. I told my 15 yr old yesterday after we got into a heated discussion that I take him to do extra practice because he has goals he wants to achieve and it let's me spend extra time with him. I also apologized where I was wrong in our discussion but also didnt for what I was right.

We all only have so many years raising our kids. Cherish each moment but I was never scared to be hard on them when I needed to. The grown ones make their own decisions now but also ask me and my wife for advice. Dont be scared to be a parent.

 

[Zack Lee]

Seems that would be a numbers game
You (we) probably see way more moms with kids in general- so more chance to publicly break kids

The toughest for me was riding the subway watching some iverstressed mom to to wrangle 3-4 bored, restless kids
eek

that is probably part of it sure, but poor mothers are also louder and harsher with their language most of the time. And you know that these children are not being told "you can do anything you set your mind to" at home. Which is a worse problem than the general breaking of the children IMO. What happened to these parents wanting more for their children. They then think the only way that they will have more than their parents is by being a rap/rock star or sports figure because that is the only people they see making it big other than drug dealers. Kids not being encouraged to chase dreams is the larger tragedy IMHO.

And it is easy to generalize this to the black community but that is also a numbers game. We see it here more and in other cities because that is the largest poor community but there is no doubt that the same thing goes on in poor white neighborhoods in other cities and rural areas.