Im 35 years old and live with my 81 year old grandmother (1 Viewer)

[CJL]

Edit Status Join Date: Apr 2022 11 posts, read 3,142 times Reputation: 51

I feel like a loser. I have lived on my own before but got tired of renting so my grandma let me live with her so I can save money on a downpayment on a house. I'm not a freeloader I pay her 500 dollars a month for bills, and I help her out since she has Arthirtis in her hands. I know this is a temporary situation but i still feel like a complete loser. It would be one thing if I was 25 but I'm in my mid 30s no kids never been married and dont date becaose what woman would want to date a 35 year old man living with his grandmother. Be honest should I feel this way?

 

[whiteshadowen]

I think you're being smart and probably helping Grandma out too. Gonna be a lot more folks doing this if the economy keeps tanking like it has the last year.

 

[CapitalCitySaint]

Given the current housing situation (prices skyrocketing, inflation, rents steady increasing by lots), it’s becoming increasingly difficult to save enough for 20% on a down payment. So I feel you & TBH, if I could shack up with my granny for a year & save money for a house, I totally would.

Two things for me. 1. I live in a different state & 2. I couldn’t tolerate living with her. She’s not a horrible person but is generally pretty negative & it would drive me forkin’ insane.

I am a 42 y/o woman btw. So I will say this: you don’t necessarily have to stop dating but - and this is the important piece - be honest with women. Men would honestly be surprised at the things women are cool with if they would only be honest with them. Most of the time they b-s about things to make them appear better than what they are or something different altogether.

You also need to have a solid plan for how much you intend on saving monthly and an end date to living with meemaw & stick to it. If this is an indefinite situation then just avoid dating and get your life in order.

But if you have everything else in line, career, savings, car, etc then don’t limit yourself. It definitely does make it a little more complicated to date but there are workarounds if you meet someone you like.

 

[soupcan dan]

$500 a month? How'd ya feel about a room in West Toledo? Just don't ask about the strange smell coming from the basement.

 

[Grumpy Old Manatee]

Aka the landlord?

 

[Madmarsha]

You don't want a woman who has an ish with this.

 

[Zack Lee]

If you are working your way out of the situation, I don’t think you should feel like a loser at all. I would likely wait on the dating but that is just me. I can’t say I am happier dating than I am not dating so maybe that’s just me.

 

[DavidM]

Times are tough and getting tougher. You're not a loser, you're one of millions of people who are struggling in a system with increasing barriers to achieving anything resembling the American dream. My wife and I are fortunate. I know that many others are not. I also know that good fortune shouldn't play such a defining part in quality-of-life outcomes.

By living with her, you are also able to help your grandma, beyond just the financial contribution. That's not insignificant. Feel some pride that you are able to be there for her, too. Your presence might mean more to her than you know. And if there is more you can do, see if stepping up in other ways helps you feel at least a little better about the current arrangement. The right women will appreciate a man who looks after his family. Bend the narrative in your favor if you need to, without regret. A lot of the socioeconomic circumstances are beyond your control, just as they are for many others.

Above all, don't neglect your mental health.

 

[Goatman Saint]

Look. I lost my mom last year. I thank god every day for my wife’s friend who visited regularly and helped her out. Not only with housework and such, but just keeping her company. If you are a benefit to her, keeping her company, helping her out and such, you’re a godsend, not a freeloader.

 

[CoolBrees]

When I was 35, I was an alcoholic who wasn’t allowed to speak to his wife or kids. Suffice it to say my life is a lot better at 45.

Who you were isn’t who you are, and who you are isn’t who you are going to be.

Finding people is hard. Everybody is self conscious and has feelings of inadequacy and self doubt. Having those feelings doesn’t alienate you from everybody; it makes you normal. Just be yourself. Genuineness is attractive.

As an aside, I bet your gran is a lovely lady and you should be proud to help and live with her. Most cultures look at taking care of their elders as a privilege; not a burden. If I was a single person I would find that type of loyalty attractive.

 

[AL_Bundy]

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Edit Status Join Date: Apr 2022 11 posts, read 3,142 times Reputation: 51

I feel like a loser. I have lived on my own before but got tired of renting so my grandma let me live with her so I can save money on a downpayment on a house. I'm not a freeloader I pay her 500 dollars a month for bills, and I help her out since she has Arthirtis in her hands. I know this is a temporary situation but i still feel like a complete loser. It would be one thing if I was 25 but I'm in my mid 30s no kids never been married and dont date becaose what woman would want to date a 35 year old man living with his grandmother. Be honest should I feel this way?

I don't think you are a loser at all. I'm sure your grandmother loves the companionship and the help. Stop looking at it as I'm living with my grandmother, and instead think of it as I'm helping out my grandmother. She may be helping you, but you can make her life so much better in return. Who wouldn't like a man that was willing to help out with his elderly grandmother? Your grandmother isn't going to be here forever, bring a smile to her face and make her life better.

 

[Grumpy Old Manatee]

Be grateful that you have family that can help you out during these tough times. We all need a little help now and then.

Formulate a plan to start getting back on your feet while helping your Grandmother. With the economy the way it is right now, it will be challenging. But it should give you something to focus on and strive for.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing help and/or asking for help when you’ve run out of options.

Learn from the past, but don’t live in it.

 

[Waymer]

I'd give anything to live with my grandmother (either of them) and wish they were still around. Cherish it. You are blessed and so is she.

Also, this is far from uncommon, even looking back 10 years: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-...n-of-the-multi-generational-family-household/

 

[mjcouvi]

Isn't it the norm throughout the world to live in a multigenerational household? You are benefitting, your grandmother is benefitting, there's nothing wrong with the situation at all except the impact on dating, but I'd guess that if you do find a woman who appreciates your situation she will be one to keep.

 

[kizzy821]

I think your feelings are valid. We all have different criteria for what makes us feel like a 'loser'.

Like others have mentioned, I'd just focus on coming up out of that place. "Yeah I might be in Loserville for the time being, but it's just a layover. I'm not putting down roots."

These days, there are so many women who have their own thing. House, career, ambitions, etc. They're just looking for a good time.

You might have to date older, but trust me, I don't care who- I mean THEY don't care who or what you're going home to...

Let's just hang out and have fun. Then you go do you, I have to get up early tomorrow.