clearing the deck - the marriage status thread (6 Viewers)

[Mr. Blue Sky]

I’ve been married for almost 40 years to a man who is quite different from me—something that has been both challenging and rewarding over the years (with plenty of laughs along the way!). I’m an organizer by nature, always analyzing and examining things carefully before making decisions. My husband, on the other hand, is a talented artist who can be wonderfully impulsive.

We’ve known each other since we were about 12 years old and became best friends around the age of 14. As best friends often do, we supported each other through countless teenage and early adult crushes and relationships. Our friendship was built on honesty, so we didn’t shy away from calling each other out, even when one of us had really messed up.

In our early 20s, we decided to take a month-long bike trip through England. Originally, it was meant to be a group of four, but two friends dropped out at the last minute. That left just the two of us—sharing a tent and already knowing each other almost as well as an old married couple. Needless to say, the rest is history!

Fun fact: When we got back home and announced our engagement, we found out that all our friends had a bet running on whether we’d end up a couple after the trip. Looking back, we probably had feelings for each other for years but were too busy navigating the “forest” of life to see the “trees” right in front of us.

Starting out as best friends has been a huge blessing in our marriage. The deep honesty we’ve always shared has helped us communicate our feelings in a frank but non-aggressive way—something we’re incredibly grateful for as we navigate life together.

That’s beautiful .

 

[Madmarsha]

Had a co worker who divorced after a long marriage and he said one of the things he enjoys most about being single again is farting in bed

“If I have to let one rip, I let it rip, and rip it loud”

I guess the moral of the story is find joy in the little things

I'mma need your coworker to tell my husband that married men aren't supposed to fart in bed.

 

[Madmarsha]

I have plenty of fun by myself.

Unless someone walks in on me

You notice how we're all just ..... not touching this.

 

[UncleTrvlingJim]

You notice how we're all just ..... not touching this.

I think that's the problem.

 

[Icon]

I wish there were more stories like this.

There are a few out there that are pleasantly surprising.

I graduated HS with a girl who met her boyfriend / future husband in 8th grade (he attended another school, but wasn't very far away and was also an 8th grader). Shortly after graduation, they got married. To be clear, this was not one of those "she's pregnant, so let's rush to get married" types of things. He began working, and she attended/finished college and began working before any kids would eventually come along.

Whether it was 8th grade and the four years of HS that followed.....or the marriage..... I have never heard any stories of them breaking up and getting back together, or separating, etc.

I don't interact with either of them regularly, so it's certainly possible I could have missed some major news items, but for all intents and purposes....it seems like they may as well have been married since they were 13 and somehow have made it work.

 

[Mr. Blue Sky]

There are a few out there that are pleasantly surprising.

I graduated HS with a girl who met her boyfriend / future husband in 8th grade (he attended another school, but wasn't very far away and was also an 8th grader). Shortly after graduation, they got married. To be clear, this was not one of those "she's pregnant, so let's rush to get married" types of things. He began working, and she attended/finished college and began working before any kids would eventually come along.

Whether it was 8th grade and the four years of HS that followed.....or the marriage..... I have never heard any stories of them breaking up and getting back together, or separating, etc.

I don't interact with either of them regularly, so it's certainly possible I could have missed some major news items, but for all intents and purposes....it seems like they may as well have been married since they were 13 and somehow have made it work.

I have an aunt and uncle who got pregnant when she was 15, and he was 17 .. they got married b/c of course that is what you did in small town Louisiana in the early 1970s…. And as it turns out, they are still together like 50 yrs later and they are one of the very VERY few examples i have seen in my life of something resembling a solid marriage .

 

[Nisey55]

Sorry for what you're going through Guido,it's a tough road to navigate. Glad you reached out to us, this board is often my therapy and I appreciate everyone here and the support we lend each other.
I could write a book on this subject and I am sure many of us could.
Based on my beliefs and experiences I don't think finding your life partner is just happenstance. Married 34 years, both of our 2nd marriage. We both had been cheated on. I was my mid 20s, dating a dear old friend who loved me and I should have felt the same way but there was something missing for me. Then he asked me to marry him. I finally took a hard look at myself and thought that I was too damaged to love anyone again. I broke it off with him, realizing I was hurting him by staying. I asked God (I was raised in a strict Catholic home but naturally grew away as we do in our youth, but still believed that God exists) anyway, asked if I would ever love anyone again.
About 2 weeks later I accidentally met a guy in a crowded bar. Instant attraction to each other. He was newly separated with a young daughter, he had finally had enough of her running around on him, his self esteem was very low, mine too. I fell for him like a brick thrown out the window. I realized that I had never Really loved before. It was rocky for a while as he worked through the divorce, I was past mine by then. I was patient with him, not my usual self but it came naturally with him. We married a year and a half later. I have always believed that we were gifts given to each other by someone much bigger than us. Marriage is hard and it's not for everyone. We agree and accept that we will be together to the end. We are opposite personalities but enjoy the same things. 2024 was our toughest year, I have a back issue that has basically rendered us roommates, intimacy wise. Throw in a total hysterectomy that steals the last hormone I had left. To say the least my husband is a saint. Laughing has been essential, as is reminding oneself to be grateful for the other. If we were 15 years younger I don't know if we would have made through a 2024, aging seems to solidify a marriage, if there is enough love there.
I've been too long winded, time to let y'all off the hook. I wish the best to you who are struggling, you have friends here if you want to talk.

 

[Dago]

You notice how we're all just ..... not touching this.

Speak for yourself

 

[Mr. Sparkle]

My wife and I both came from divorced families and both carried a healthy skepticism of the institution into our marriage (which only occurred after 5 years of dating and after we were at or near 30). We've been married for 25 years and I say with all honesty that I can't believe she hasn't divorced me for some of the stupid sheet I've done - no infidelity, but just dumb stuff that made our lives so much harder than necessary (financially, emotionally, etc.).

I'm currently on Day 8 of quitting drinking, something necessitated by my doing some really (drunk) stupid sheet on Christmas Night. This comes after more than a few similar episodes over the last few years. As recently as this weekend I was very concerned I was going to be tossed out of the house - and with plenty of good reason. Under a different set of circumstances, I think she would've. I know she carries a lot of regrets, lots of them centered around pumping the brakes on her own career to be at home more when our kids were little (now 22 and 20). We are now empty nest and that's a whole other challenge. But as of now we are sticking it out and I am hoping that I can get my own sheet together enough to hold up my end of the marriage for the back end of our time together.

She was my best friend before we started dating and we've been through a lot together. I'm incredibly grateful - when I go through any of the thought exercises that come with sobriety, she is the 'higher power' and/or primary motivation that's driving it. On my own I'd be toast.

 

[2009ring]

My wife and I both came from divorced families and both carried a healthy skepticism of the institution into our marriage (which only occurred after 5 years of dating and after we were at or near 30). We've been married for 25 years and I say with all honesty that I can't believe she hasn't divorced me for some of the stupid sheet I've done - no infidelity, but just dumb stuff that made our lives so much harder than necessary (financially, emotionally, etc.).

I'm currently on Day 8 of quitting drinking, something necessitated by my doing some really (drunk) stupid sheet on Christmas Night. This comes after more than a few similar episodes over the last few years. As recently as this weekend I was very concerned I was going to be tossed out of the house - and with plenty of good reason. Under a different set of circumstances, I think she would've. I know she carries a lot of regrets, lots of them centered around pumping the brakes on her own career to be at home more when our kids were little (now 22 and 20). We are now empty nest and that's a whole other challenge. But as of now we are sticking it out and I am hoping that I can get my own sheet together enough to hold up my end of the marriage for the back end of our time together.

She was my best friend before we started dating and we've been through a lot together. I'm incredibly grateful - when I go through any of the thought exercises that come with sobriety, she is the 'higher power' and/or primary motivation that's driving it. On my own I'd be toast.

This x 1000000.

While I don't have the drinking issue I have plenty of my own and I have to say after being married 20+ years I am pretty lucky even though I refuse to see it half the time.

 

[Dago]

My wife and I both came from divorced families and both carried a healthy skepticism of the institution into our marriage (which only occurred after 5 years of dating and after we were at or near 30). We've been married for 25 years and I say with all honesty that I can't believe she hasn't divorced me for some of the stupid sheet I've done - no infidelity, but just dumb stuff that made our lives so much harder than necessary (financially, emotionally, etc.).

I'm currently on Day 8 of quitting drinking, something necessitated by my doing some really (drunk) stupid sheet on Christmas Night. This comes after more than a few similar episodes over the last few years. As recently as this weekend I was very concerned I was going to be tossed out of the house - and with plenty of good reason. Under a different set of circumstances, I think she would've. I know she carries a lot of regrets, lots of them centered around pumping the brakes on her own career to be at home more when our kids were little (now 22 and 20). We are now empty nest and that's a whole other challenge. But as of now we are sticking it out and I am hoping that I can get my own sheet together enough to hold up my end of the marriage for the back end of our time together.

She was my best friend before we started dating and we've been through a lot together. I'm incredibly grateful - when I go through any of the thought exercises that come with sobriety, she is the 'higher power' and/or primary motivation that's driving it. On my own I'd be toast.

You got this bro. Hope you know you got all of EE behind you

 

[Sun Wukong]

I meant to address this earlier. I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with being comfortable being alone, and I wish more people would find that comfort. But I wanted to push back on you being of limited social value. I'm not entirely sure what context you meant that - but it struck me the way I see some people talking about "high value males" etc. Which I think is bullshirt.

First, I really enjoy reading your posts on this board, and find that you add definite value to this part of society. I believe you're also a teacher, and your overall posts makes me believe you are probably a considerate teacher who is helping his students become better versions of themselves, which is of tremendous social value.

I hope I'm not overstepping, and I don't want to diminish the reality that some people do have a harder time finding companionship, and that society does value certain things over others. But it's a big world, and there are tons of butt crevasses out there that make the world worse, and I don't think you are one of those - which already puts you in the "adding value to the world" in my camp.

Thanks, I genuinely appreciate that.

Self-worth has been something I've struggled with for most of my life. I'm not happy with where it's led me and I try to work on it. Always hope one day it'll click for me.

 

[Dago]

Thanks, I genuinely appreciate that.

Self-worth has been something I've struggled with for most of my life. I'm not happy with where it's led me and I try to work on it. Always hope one day it'll click for me.

 

[DaveXA]

I'mma need your coworker to tell my husband that married men aren't supposed to fart in bed.

My wife farts in bed. That's all the permission I need, yeah. Double Dutch ovens are a thing, lol.

 

[Icon]

I'm currently on Day 8 of quitting drinking, something necessitated by my doing some really (drunk) stupid sheet on Christmas Night.

Congratulations on this.

You are likely doing your health a favor, along with the marriage.