You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations. (1 Viewer)

[DaveXA]

The easiest way for me to figure out what to say is by imagining the guilt I would have if I lost them soon and never said anything. But honestly Kiz, it sounds like you have some big things to sort through and likely need some help doing the sorting.

we love you Saints brother.

Pretty sure she's a sister.

 

[Zack Lee]

Pretty sure she's a sister.

Oh man. I used to think I had all that figured out. Sorry Kiz.

 

[kizzy821]

What would happen if you didn’t?

Nothing really. But I don't know. I don't want him to feel bad. And for so many years, I did say it. I used to send gifts and everything. I know he doesn't understand how much he hurt me by putting me here. Impossible for him to know.

So then my dilemma becomes, 'Do you 'punish' someone for doing something they don't realize they did?'

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

Nothing really. But I don't know. I don't want him to feel bad. And for so many years, I did say it. I used to send gifts and everything. I know he doesn't understand how much he hurt me by putting me here. Impossible for him to know.

So then my dilemma becomes, 'Do you 'punish' someone for doing something they don't realize they did?'

No, only ultra orthodox religions do that
But I do agree with Zack about the help thing

 

[kizzy821]

Oh man. I used to think I had all that figured out. Sorry Kiz.

It's fine. Kinda funny to me.

I really don't think I'd experience the regret/guilt you mentioned. A part of me thinks the cloud that perpetually surrounds me would lift when he dies. The other part worries that it will get worse. Like he did this and now he's gone and doesn't have to deal with the aftermath anymore.

It's not like he's actively 'dealing with it now. But I get some comfort knowing that I could still make him understand somewhat if I choose to.

I think about this story Jay-Z told about his father being sick and how he went to the hospital, closed the door, pulled a chair real close and said, "Now you have no choice but to listen me." He told his dad exactly what he thought about him. I hope I get that chance.

I'm so damn weird. Why not just tell him now. I don't know.

 

[DaveXA]

Nothing really. But I don't know. I don't want him to feel bad. And for so many years, I did say it. I used to send gifts and everything. I know he doesn't understand how much he hurt me by putting me here. Impossible for him to know.

So then my dilemma becomes, 'Do you 'punish' someone for doing something they don't realize they did?'

I get that you're in a difficult frame of mind and I suspect that does affect how you see, not only your dad, but others around you. Sometimes our perspective affects our relationships.

I have my own issues and I tend not to want to burden my parents with those issues. Which is sometimes why I try to keep the holiday wishes simple.

Whatever happens, I wish you better days. Hang in there!

 

[Zack Lee]

It's fine. Kinda funny to me.

I really don't think I'd experience the regret/guilt you mentioned. A part of me thinks the cloud that perpetually surrounds me would lift when he dies. The other part worries that it will get worse. Like he did this and now he's gone and doesn't have to deal with the aftermath anymore.

It's not like he's actively 'dealing with it now. But I get some comfort knowing that I could still make him understand somewhat if I choose to.

I think about this story Jay-Z told about his father being sick and how he went to the hospital, closed the door, pulled a chair real close and said, "Now you have no choice but to listen me." He told his dad exactly what he thought about him. I hope I get that chance.

I'm so damn weird. Why not just tell him now. I don't know.

I lost mine in Jan of last year. In the months leading up to his death I did confront him on some stuff I had buried for so long. But there is a way to do it and just blowing emotionally may or may not be it. I don’t advocate therapy often but if you have been trying to do it alone and can’t figure your way out of it, don’t dis count treatment. And you don’t have to stick with the first person you talk to. There has to be chemistry

 

[DaveXA]

I lost mine in Jan of last year. In the months leading up to his death I did confront him on some stuff I had buried for so long. But there is a way to do it and just blowing emotionally may or may not be it. I don’t advocate therapy often but if you have been trying to do it alone and can’t figure your way out of it, don’t dis count treatment. And you don’t have to stick with the first person you talk to. There has to be chemistry

One of my kids has been going through therapy and it's definitely helped her. It depends on the person seeking it, and the therapist as well. Not for everyone, but it can and has helped many people.

 

[kizzy821]

No, only ultra orthodox religions do that
But I do agree with Zack about the help thing

Like trying to glue together a shattered plate or something. Some things are just broken. And that's ok.

I'm not trying to get to a better place or any of those things. This is me. This is it.

I happened. I don't like it. I don't like that I was born. Nothing can change that, you know?

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

Like trying to glue together a shattered plate or something. Some things are just broken. And that's ok.

I'm not trying to get to a better place or any of those things. This is me. This is it.

I happened. I don't like it. I don't like that I was born. Nothing can change that, you know?

My wife has often struggled with ideas of being broken
She’s at times found solace in the idea of Kintsugi - the Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with gold

I like that as an idea but what I do know is that nothing in this life is permanent- everything is in the process of change

I’m not trying to tell you anything you don’t already know, I just think there’s always possibility

 

[Zack Lee]

Like trying to glue together a shattered plate or something. Some things are just broken. And that's ok.

I'm not trying to get to a better place or any of those things. This is me. This is it.

I happened. I don't like it. I don't like that I was born. Nothing can change that, you know?

have you ever considered volunteer work of some kind. Like helping people learn to read or serving the poor in a soup kitchen. Maybe you could get your sense of value from helping others. I’m not going to try to change you since you seem to have come to terms. But from the outside looking in, it’s bleak. I hate to see people living in that perspective.

 

[kizzy821]

have you ever considered volunteer work of some kind. Like helping people learn to read or serving the poor in a soup kitchen. Maybe you could get your sense of value from helping others. I’m not going to try to change you since you seem to have come to terms. But from the outside looking in, it’s bleak. I hate to see people living in that perspective.

I've definitely thought about volunteering but not to find a sense of value. I don't care about squeezing out bits of value in a mostly useless life. I don't want mine and would give it away for free if I could.

Anyway, for my father's day text, I'm going to send it in a few and say "Happy EARLY Father's Day." There's something less authentic about early and belated wishes. That's what I'm going for.

 

[Zack Lee]

I've definitely thought about volunteering but not to find a sense of value. I don't care about squeezing out bits of value in a mostly useless life. I don't want mine and would give it away for free if I could.

Anyway, for my father's day text, I'm going to send it in a few and say "Happy EARLY Father's Day." There's something less authentic about early and belated wishes. That's what I'm going for.

So the only reason I take such interest in it is because of my own struggles. Six years ago I was at the bottom of the barrel with my drinking. I didn’t have the balls to take my life but couldn’t even imagine going on living. I lived some of that out on a thread here. What happened to me was some kind of miracle, and I don’t mean that to sound to religious. But I got a new lease. What I found in sobriety was something like a second childhood. I had a group of seven guys I was helping learn to read when I first got sober.

anyway, I’m sorry it’s this way for you. I’d help if I could. This group was incredibly supportive of me, so I would t hesitate whenever you need to talk.

one of my favorite quotes ever

 

[DaveXA]

I've definitely thought about volunteering but not to find a sense of value. I don't care about squeezing out bits of value in a mostly useless life. I don't want mine and would give it away for free if I could.

Anyway, for my father's day text, I'm going to send it in a few and say "Happy EARLY Father's Day." There's something less authentic about early and belated wishes. That's what I'm going for.

So...my wife just did that to me. I always thought was authentic. I don't know what to think now.

 

[kizzy821]

Dude! This is my favorite YouTube clip ever.


I got so excited I forgot to quote you lol @Zack Lee